Songs on a Sunday - The Love of God

This has long been one of my favorite hymns. While the whole song is special, the third verse is my favorite. It apparently inspired Fred­er­ick Leh­man to write the rest of the song. He says of the third verse, "Since the lines had been found pen­ciled on the wall of a pa­tient’s room in an in­sane asy­lum af­ter he had been car­ried to his grave, the gen­er­al opin­ion was that this in­mate had writ­ten the epic in mo­ments of san­ity." It was discovered to be an adaptation of a portion of the Jewish poem Had­da­mut, writ­ten in Ara­ma­ic in 1050 by Meir Ben Isaac Ne­hor­ai, a can­tor in Worms, Ger­ma­ny.

The adapted portion from Haddamut reads as follows:

Were the sky of parchment made,
A quill each reed, each twig and blade,
Could we with ink the oceans fill,
Were every man a scribe of skill,
The marvelous story
Of God’s great glory
Would still remain untold;
For He, most high
The earth and sky

Created alone of old.

The Love of God

Verse 1

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

Refrain

O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Verse 2

When years of time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Refrain

Verse 3

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky. 

 

Refrain

One Bad Week - Tales from TN Part 3

NOTE: If you have not already read "Welcome to TN - Tales from TN Part 1" and "Life Happens All at Once - Tales from TN Part 2", then this post will not make much sense.

Being locked out of my car and apartment on Tuesday night was not how I had planned to spend my evening. It was really an eerie feeling to be locked out from where it was safe and to have no one that I knew to turn to for help. But I was determined to learn from it and move on. Once I got inside I called my mom and told her all about it. We even laughed about it, because it was over. One bad day does not make a bad week.

Wednesday

The next day I was driving to the church I had been visiting. There were a couple of different ways to get there and I was still trying to figure out which one was faster. I noticed a police car behind me so I naturally checked my speed. I was fine. He stayed behind me for about 2 more miles and exited when I exited. By then I was kind of wondering if he was following me. I knew for a fact that I had NOT been speeding so I was hoping he just happened to be headed the same direction. 

Wrong. I saw the lights start to flash. Since no one else was around I knew he wanted me to pull over even though I was clueless as to why. I pulled over but I was getting upset. I couldn't imagine why he was pulling me over! I had never been pulled over before and I knew I wasn't speeding and I didn't want to be late for church!

He stood behind my car for the longest five minutes of my life. And when he walked up and I rolled my window down he told me that I was free to go. He had been looking at my temporary tags and initially thought that they were expired. I guess in OK (where I bought the car) they wrote the tags with the purchase date and they were good for 30 days from that point. In TN, the practice was to write the date that the tags expire. So he thought they were out-of-date when really they were just out-of-state.

When he left and I was finishing my drive to church I was able to laugh, a strange relieved kind of laugh, but laughter none the less. It was upsetting but it was over and I enjoyed telling the church people about it that night.

Still two odd things in two days... I hoped that I was done with craziness for a while. But it was only Wednesday. The week was only half way through.

Thursday

Thursday morning I headed down the stairs to go to work. I turn the key and grrrrr...grrrrrr. Uh oh! My brand-new car won't start! Since my headlights don't turn off automatically, I thought that I must have left the headlights on all night and drained the battery down. I was pretty irritated with myself. But thankfully I had been planning on leaving early so I still had time to call a coworker and get a ride to work.

After work some guy coworkers who knew more about cars that I did came over to look at it. I was hoping it was just the battery had drained down. They were able to help me get it jumped and I drove it around for a while to try to give it time to recharge the battery some.

Although this problem was probably the least stressful and also easily fixed, it was especially annoying since I thought it was my entirely my own stupid fault. (This wasn't the last time the battery would die, but it was the first. Turned out that the battery was defective and I ended up getting it replaced a few weeks later.)

Friday

Nothing unusual happened that Friday. It was nice. After all of the crazy, frustrating, scary, and stressful things that had happened the last three days it was nice to get back to normal.

Saturday

I was off from LensCrafters so I decided to spend the morning relaxing and then make a grocery run. I even decided to try out a new grocery store rather than driving to the closest "nice" Wal-Mart. Everything was going well. Prices were great. I liked the store. I even got a phone call from my sister and was enjoying taking my time shopping and catching up with her.

Eventually I paid for everything and headed out to my car. As I was walking up, I thought that something looked funny about my car. "Why does it look different?" I suddenly realized it was because my temporary tags were missing! They were just gone! Stolen! After the week I had, this was the last straw! (When a co-worker's tags were stolen the same day my temp tag expired a week later, we figured that it was stolen in the parking lot at work, on the Friday that I thought nothing bad had happened.)

I was furious! And scared. I drove home very carefully praying the whole time that I wouldn't get pulled over a second time in one week. I remember clenching my teeth and straining to hold back the tears that threatened to blind me while I was driving. I brokenly told the Lord that I felt that I had reached my limit for one week and begged Him to show me mercy by not letting me be pulled over. 

I made it home undisturbed. My peaceful, relaxed Saturday was spent with me filing a police report and trying to get the dealership in OKC to overnight me new temp tags (which never came). Thankfully I had already planned on taking it to get it registered Monday morning. So I only had Sunday that I couldn't legally drive it.

My God was and is ever gracious. He knew my limits better than I did and had no plans to allow me to face more than I could handle. He was trying to grow me (not crush me) and wanted teach me to rely on His strength. Through it all He was teaching me to turn to Him first, to make prayer my immediate response to a trial.

Sometimes He has to strip away all outside help to force us to look to Him for help. Sometimes He has to pile on frustration after frustration to wear out our own strength so that we realize we need His. Sometimes He has to let things become scary so that we realize He is our protection.

I learned a lot during that week. Most of it is pretty funny to me now. But because of the things I learned and the ways it grew me, I wouldn't change a thing.

Life Happens All at Once - Tales from TN Part 2

Note: If you have not yet read "Welcome to TN - Tales from TN Part 1" I suggest that you go back and read it first...

So, I have a little piece of advice - don't buy your first car, graduate from college, "move" home for two weeks, find an apartment sight-unseen, move cross-country to a city where you know no one, and start a new job all within a month! Trying to sort out the registration, TT & L, and insurance for a new car while involving three different states is not the simplest thing in the world to do. Picking an apartment from several states away is not easy either, especially when you have a limited window of time to move in and no backup plan if the one you choose turns out to be awful. Life was rather complicated doing all of those things at one time but somehow with lots of prayer, good advice, a few panicked moments, some faith, and some more prayer that's exactly what I had done.

(Yes, panicked moments. I know, I know. I can hear the scoffing and see self-righteous raised eyebrows. How 'bout you try not to panic when the apartment you are sure God has led you to live in declines your application because you have no rental history. I dare you! Then tell me you don't feel the sweet relief that comes when they call back 15 minutes later to say that their policy had recently changed to allow new graduates to waive that requirement.)

My first couple of weeks flew by in a little bit of a happy blur. I know I worked on unpacking and getting settled into my apartment. I had two first days in one when I started working at my new editing job and the eyeglass store where I had transferred from OK.  I also continued to visit the church that I had found my first Sunday night in Nashville. And Andrea was there for most of the first week sight-seeing, helping me unpack, and just being company after my mom went home.

Isn't it strange how it seems life happens all at once? One day you are confidently cruising along on the still, calm sea of life and then whoosh - a storm arrives and everything happens all at once. The wind is howling and kicking up waves that crash wildly against the sides of the rocking boat. Flashes of lightening nearly blind you and the thunder is deafening. That's pretty much what happened to me my third week.

Tuesday

I had to stay about 30 minutes late for a training session. When I got home, I thought about how my dad had told me to check the oil every couple of times I filled up my car. I realized I hadn't checked it recently and decided to just check it "real quick" right then. I left the car door open and all of my stuff in the front seat so my hands were free. While I was checking the oil, a neighbor drives up and I realized I was blocking the parking space next to me with my open car door. So I closed it.

As soon as I did, I felt a sick, sinking feeling in my stomach. I had found myself locking my door while I opened it. I didn't even realize when I was doing it. Had I locked it? Yes, I had. My keys were sitting right there on the front seat in plain sight. I thought, "That's OK, I have a spare in the apartment... which is locked. And the keys to my apartment are in my car... which is locked."

I ran over to the apartment office as fast as I could in my fancy suit jacket and heels to get them to unlock my apartment. However, due to the fact that this was the ONE night I would ever need to stay late, I got there 15 minutes after they had closed for the night. On to plan B.

I had roadside assistance that came with the warranties on my car. I thought, "I will just call ...no one." My cell phone was in the car next to the keys. So Plan C became to find a phone to call my mom (because she was the only person whose number I had memorized) to get her to look up the number for the roadside assistance. I knew about 5 or 6 of my coworkers lived in the same apartments. I thought maybe I could remember one of their apartment numbers. After nearly an hour of trudging around on what turned out to be the hottest day of the whole summer and after knocking on three wrong doors, plan D became to beg my own neighbors for the use of their phone.

By this point my pleas to God for help were becoming more desperate, but He heard me and was gracious. I found a neighbor who was home and didn't look like the murderous type. She let me use her phone and even sit inside in the air conditioning to wait for help to arrive. It took an hour and a half for the guy to get there but only two minutes to get into my car. I was quite relieved that the ordeal was over.

It was over for the night but not for the week. The week was just getting started.

Songs on a Sunday - What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Today's song is very appropriate for me today because I have been thinking a lot lately about what makes a good friend, how to be a good friend, why we need friends, and why friends come and go in our lives. Little thoughts about friendship have even been mentioned in passing in many of the messages I have heard lately. The whole subject of friendship is something I would like to tackle one day, but for today this song expresses what is on my heart. I know that these old hymns may be "old hat" to many of us, but really read the words. It's easy to skim over them because they are so familiar, but truly they contain such precious truths!

"What a Friend We Have in Jesus" was written by Joseph M. Scriven in 1855 although it was published anonymously for nearly 30 years. The original version apparently contained a fourth verse that I had never heard before but have included here.

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

 

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

Welcome to TN - Tales from TN Part 1

Have you ever had something happen that at the time made you so frustrated that you wanted to cry, pull your hair out, scream, stay in bed for a day or two, or maybe "run home to Mommy," but then later all you can do is laugh about it all? For me, that was my entire first month in Nashville, TN.

I moved to Nashville after graduating from college because I had been hired by a curriculum company to work as an editor/proofreader. I had only visited one time for my interview and even then I spent less than 24 hours in Nashville. So needless to say, it was all brand new to me! And it didn't take long for trouble to find me... A little less than 12 hours to be exact.

I arrived in Nashville in my new little white 2 door hatchback Hyundai Accent that my sister had lovingly dubbed "Lily." I had managed to purchase it, my very first vehicle, during the last two weeks before I graduated, so I had only owned it about a month.

Arriving with me in Nashville was my friend Andrea, who had taken her vacation time to help me move and enjoy some time away from OKC. My mom and her friend Nelda had also come with me and had driven the U-haul. We located and stayed the night in the hotel. So far, so good. Everything was going smoothly.

The next morning we all decided to test my new GPS (the best birthday/graduation gift ever and definitely a lifesaver for this directionally challenged girl in a brand new city) and find a coffee shop so we could get some coffee and breakfast.

First location: non-existent. No big deal. The next one was only a mile away... It ended up taking me into the heart of downtown Nashville which is full of hills, one-way streets, seemingly countless stoplights, tons of traffic, and zero parking spaces. I managed to find the coffee shop, but I did not manage to find a parking space. So there I was, my GPS going full-blast saying "recalculating" with three people making suggestions about where to go to try to find parking close by. I stopped at yet another red light.

I checked my rearview mirror only to see to my horror that the car behind me is getting closer and closer. I cannot pull forward any further because I have a car in front of me. I only have enough time to say, "Uh oh" while my racing thoughts screamed, "Please stop. Please stop. PLEASE stop." It didn't. I had been rear-ended. In my brand new Lily! On my first day in town!

The offenders were nice out-of-towners who were also trying to navigate the labyrinth they call downtown Nashville. Sadly, they were paying more attention to the street signs than their brake pedal. Their car had only been creeping along and it was also white like my little Lily so thankfully there was no discernible damage.

I was not discouraged. I knew that I was exactly where God wanted me. I was finally finished with college, moving to a new and exciting city, starting a new and exciting job, getting my very first apartment, driving my new first car... Life was all about the new, the different, and the exciting. Perhaps with such a welcome, I should have been a little more prepared for the insanity that would follow during my first month. But at that point, I was still blissfully unaware of all that was in store.

Songs on a Sunday - He Leadeth Me

With all of the focus lately in the preaching at church, my own thoughts, and even here on my blog I thought that this song was especially appropriate. When you think about it, it is one of the most comforting songs.

I found Joseph Gilmore's (the author) own description of how he came to write this song. I always think a song means more to me when I know the background so I am going to share it here. 

As a young man who re­cent­ly had been grad­u­at­ed from Brown Un­i­ver­si­ty and New­ton The­o­lo­gic­al In­sti­tu­tion, I was sup­ply­ing for a cou­ple of Sun­days the pul­pit of the First Bap­tist Church in Phil­a­del­phia [Penn­syl­van­ia]. At the mid-week ser­vice, on the 26th of March, 1862, I set out to give the peo­ple an ex­po­si­tion of the Twen­ty-third Psalm, which I had giv­en be­fore on three or four oc­ca­sions, but this time I did not get fur­ther than the words “He Lead­eth Me.” Those words took hold of me as they had ne­ver done be­fore, and I saw them in a sig­ni­fi­cance and won­drous beau­ty of which I had ne­ver dreamed.

It was the dark­est hour of the Ci­vil War. I did not re­fer to that fact—that is, I don’t think I did—but it may sub­con­sciou­sly have led me to real­ize that God’s lead­er­ship is the one sig­nif­i­cant fact in hu­man ex­per­i­ence, that it makes no dif­fer­ence how we are led, or whi­ther we are led, so long as we are sure God is lead­ing us.

At the close of the meet­ing a few of us in the par­lor of my host, good Dea­con Watt­son, kept on talk­ing about the thought which I had em­pha­sized; and then and there, on a blank page of the brief from which I had in­tend­ed to speak, I pen­ciled the hymn, talk­ing and writ­ing at the same time, then hand­ed it to my wife and thought no more about it. She sent it to The Watch­man and Re­flect­or, a pa­per pub­lished in Bos­ton, where it was first print­ed. I did not know un­til 1865 that my hymn had been set to mu­sic by Will­iam B. Brad­bu­ry. I went to Ro­ches­ter [New York] to preach as a can­di­date be­fore the Se­cond Bap­tist Church. Go­ing in­to their cha­pel on ar­riv­al in the ci­ty, I picked up a hymn­al to see what they were sing­ing, and opened it at my own hymn, “He Lead­eth Me.”

He Leadeth Me

Verse 1

He leadeth me, O blessèd thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.

Refrain

He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful follower I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me.

Verse 2

Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
By waters still, over troubled sea,
Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.

Refrain

 Verse 3

Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.

Refrain

Verse 4

And when my task on earth is done,
When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
Since God through Jordan leadeth me.

Refrain

Whose Plan is It Anyway? Part 2

My recent post "Whose Plan is it Anyway?" received the following comment from one of my best friends and fellow blog author Jason (check out his blog at www.jasonwarrenemly.blogspot.com):

"Good thoughts on God's will. To add a little bit, one other idea I have heard repeatedly on God's will is you should be afraid of missing God's will, not afraid OF God's will."

I wanted to respond to this comment like I usually do, but I kept having conflicting thoughts. This thought is something that I have heard many times before as well, even preached from the pulpit. But I wasn't really sure what I thought about it. You see, I have also been told by my childhood pastor that I shouldn't fear missing God's will; that He would show it to me in due time.

I have spent time since I read this comment trying to decide what I thought. And I believe that I have sorted through my thoughts on the matter.

1. You should not be afraid of God's will. 

This statement I agree with wholeheartedly and without any reservation. While there will be hard times in my life (just as there are in everyone's life), I do not need to fear God's will. He is a good and loving Father. There will be pain, trials, hard times, etc (Remember Job?) but He only has my best in mind and will ultimately bless my obedience (Remember how Job ended?). Also see Romans 8:28, James 1:17, and Matthew 7:11.

2. You should be afraid of missing God's will.

I agree that as Christians who acknowledge that God has a specific path, plan, way, or will for our lives, it is only natural that we would be concerned with following it. There are many tragic examples in the Bible of those who did not follow God's plan and the consequences they suffered because of it. (Think of Jonah, Samson, King David, Adam & Eve, and the list could go on and on...)

We should be continually seeking God's will. We should be living in constant obedience in what we already know to be God's will. The thought of "going astray" should concern and grieve us. We should fear the consequences of missing out on what God has in store.

Such Godly concern for not straying from God's will is well expressed in verse 4 of the song, "Come Thou Fount."

"O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."

3. You should not fear missing God's will.

I also agree with this statement. I know you are thinking, "Wait, what?! You just said..." I know that at first glance I may sound like I am contradicting myself, but allow me to explain. I believe that if you are living in constant obedience and daily following God's known will for your life, then He will continue to show it to you step by step, day by day.

I know that there have been times in my life that I was weaker in my faith. I didn't trust God's goodness as I should have. I was picturing God as a stern, harsh, taskmaster who enjoyed watching me scramble around trying to figure out what pleased Him. I knew He expected me to follow His will, but I also thought He expected me to figure it out on my own. I thought that He would only reveal it to me if I begged enough or was desperate enough. I thought that me finding God's will was dependent on me. Basically it boiled down to the fact that I was afraid of missing His will because I was afraid He wasn't good enough to show it to me.

I needed to adjust my thinking of God. In reality, He is a loving Father. God is good! God is loving! He may need to discipline His children but He takes no pleasure in our confusion. Anxiety and worry are sins; sin can never please Him. He doesn't sadistically enjoy seeing us scramble around trying to figure out what will please Him. He is not waiting and hoping for us to fail so He can pounce on us and accuse us. He's not going to play "hide and seek" or make His plans obscure and difficult to interpret.

When my childhood pastor told me not to fear missing God's will, he was trying to remind me of God's goodness. Yes, God does want us to seek Him. And yes, there may even be times when He doesn't reveal everything to us right away. But ultimately He will show us what He wants.

He always has a reason when He chooses to delay revealing His plans. Perhaps we need to learn patience first, or maybe He is checking to see how serious we are. He might simply be testing our motives. I think sometimes He just wants us trust enough to relax and peacefully wait for Him to reveal His will in His way and in His time. He may want us to learn to just "be still." (Psalms 46:10)

So in conclusion I would say, "Be afraid of missing out on God's will; do not be afraid OF God's will. But never fear, He will show you His will in due time."

Someday

All of my writing takes a certain amount of courage to share publicly because it's personal. There's a little bit of me in everything I write and that always makes me a little nervous about how it will be received. 

I believe that poetry is a socially acceptable way to express a person's deepest emotions. It's a way to express things that you don't know how to say any other way. The emotional expression is exactly why my poetry is even more personal to me than just regular writing. It holds even more of my heart, even more of me. 

As a warning, I haven't had any training in writing poetry. I honestly don't know if anyone lacking family bias will find it to be "good." These are all reasons why I have never openly shared my poetry before. 

I believe this hopeful poem could be an expression of what's inside the hearts of many single girls who are hoping and dreaming about their "Someday."

 

Someday

8/28/10

Someday I will meet someone whose heart with mine will beat.

To him I will be so special that I was worth the wait to meet.

Individually we may have felt alone, but together we'll feel complete.

Someday I will meet someone who has given God his heart.

Time alone with God each day will only be the start,

For he will know that in his life God must play a vital part.

Someday I will meet someone who has the strength to lead.

But he'll combine his strength with love and be caring in his deeds;

Mere control of me will be the last thing that he needs.

Someday I will meet someone with an awesome sense of humor.

He will laugh and joke and smile, but not at the expense of others.

He will be compassionate and kind, ever a man of honor.

Someday I will meet someone who sees past my outside veneer.

He will see my hidden beauty that no one else has noticed there.

My vulnerabilities he'll understand and he'll handle them with care.

Someday I will meet someone who I know will not be perfect.

After all, we are each born with a sinful birth defect.

Forgiveness must be the policy we both strive to effect.

Someday I will meet someone who will make me stop and ponder.

“How could God be so good to me?” I will surely have to wonder.

'Til then I suppose that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Songs on a Sunday - God's Been Good

This song is relatively new to me. I think I heard it first about 2 years ago. Parts I can relate to wholeheartedly. It touches the raw places where only God can see. Other parts I look forward to understanding someday. Overall, it's just one of those songs that speaks to me and its beauty gives me "goosebumps." Hope that it's a blessing to you too!

 

God's Been Good

 

Verse 1

Lately I've been looking back, along this winding road
To the old familiar markers of the mercies I have known.
I know it may sound simple, but it's more than a cliche.
There's no better way to tell you, than to say...

Chorus
God's been good, in my life.
I feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams 

when I go to sleep each night.
And though I've had my share of hard times, 

I wouldn't change them if I could.
'Cause through it all, God's been good.

Verse 2
Times replay and I can see that I've cried some bitter tears.
But I've felt His arms around me, as I faced my greatest fears.
You see I've had more gains than losses and I've known more joy than hurt.
As His grace rolled down upon me undeserved...
 

Chorus

God's been good, in my life.
I feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams 

when I go to sleep each night.
And though I've had my share of hard times, 

I wouldn't change them if I could.
'Cause through it all, God's been good.

 
Verse 3
For God has been my Father, my Savior and my Friend.
His love was my beginning, and His love will be my end.
I could spend forever trying to tell you everything He is,
But the best way I can say it is this...

Chorus

 God's been good, in my life.
I feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams 

when I go to sleep each night.
And though I've had my share of hard times, 

I wouldn't change them if I could.
'Cause through it all, God's been good.

And she went dumpster-diving...

OK, when I welcomed you all to read my blog (See the post called, "Welcome to my world") I said that there were guaranteed to be funny stories. Well hold on to your hats, because I am keeping that promise!

Life in general does seem to hold a certain amount of humor. We may not always see it at the time, but it's there. My life seems to hold a little more than most, or maybe I just see it and laugh at myself more than most people do. Either way, I have had plenty of funny and ridiculous things happen to me. Let me tell you what happened today...

I got off work and came straight home. It's been a crazy week and I had been looking forward to the end of the workday since about 3:00. (Well, probably earlier than that, but that is when I acknowledged it openly...) Between the nasty summer cold that left me sounding like a man, my first week in an entirely new department with entirely new people and duties, my sister getting back into town, and my roommate for the past year getting ready to move out I was ready to get home and pack for vacation!

In preparation for the trip I hope to make tomorrow with my favorite (and only) sister, I grabbed some trash out of the passenger seat. I planned on tossing it in the dumpster which is conveniently located on the way from my car to my apartment. I have done this many, many times. I reach the dumpster, toss in the trash, watch it fall to the bottom of the mostly empty dumpster. And at the same time I was horrified to hear the jingle of my work keys as they fell along with the trash into the gigantic dumpster and then watched as they gently sank beneath the small layer of trash that was in the very bottom.

Thoughts were rapidly dashing through my head. Such as, "Those were my work keys. They just fell in a dumpster. I have to get them out. I cannot reach or even see them. I have to get them out. I wonder how hard it would be for my work to replace... Yeah, no, I have to get them out. But they are in a dumpster. Oh man! How am I even gonna get in there? I have to get them out. Oh stink!" Literally.

I quickly realize that I am too short to get into the dumpster, even from the side door, by myself. So I run upstairs and find my sister in my room. I explain to her what just happened and ask for her help. She is, of course, laughing. I change into something more suitable to dumpster diving than my work clothes and we head down to assess the situation.

We decide that since the keys were not visible and it was too far down to reach them with a hanger, that if I had a chair I could climb in through the sliding side door. So we grab one of my folding chairs and lug it down the stairs to the dumpster. I set the chair up and climbed into the side door.

As I am about to climb in I see my admittedly germophobic roommate arrive for one last load of stuff. I hurriedly explain what on earth possessed me to get into the dumpster as she gets one last horrified look at me while I climb in.

Once up there, I had a new problem to face. I hadn't realized how very far down the bottom floor of the dumpster still was! So now, I am perched precariously on the opening while my sister is watching and laughing hysterically at me through the opening directly across me on the other side. And I don't even know how many people were staring at me as they drove by.

I finally decided that I am just going to have to jump the rest of the way down onto the bags that are lining the very bottom. I do. Squish. As my feet are sinking into the bags of garbage, I reach down and start to look for my keys. Thankfully I had seen the general area where they had landed and was able to recover them quickly without frantically scrambling through mountains of trash.

Then I realized I couldn't get out. My helpful and loving sister, who is still laughing at me and telling me to just be grateful she wasn't filming this and posting it on Facebook or Youtube, kindly hands me the folding chair so I can use it to climb back out. Then it was all over... other than recovering my chair, going back up stairs, burning the clothes and shoes I wore (ok, a slight exaggeration), and scrubbing myself as well as the keys and the chair down thoroughly with soap and/or strong cleaners.

It was one of the grossest things I have ever done! But it was also pretty funny! And I was truly grateful that the dumpster wasn't full! Not sure WHAT I would have done then! Anyone else have any such stories to tell??? If so, please share!

Whose Plan is It Anyway?

Decisions - we all make them. All day long. Everyday. For our entire lives. They may seem small and insignificant, like what shoes you wear that day, or life-changing and majorly important, like where you live or work and who you marry. But each one affects us. They all play a part in determining where our lives go. After all, where you are today is really just a culmination of all the little and big choices that you have already made.

I believe that God has a plan for each of our lives. How do we know that the choices we make follow His plan? In other words, how do I know what God's will is?

Jason Gaddis, the pastor of my church, Southwest Baptist Church, preached a message on Sunday morning that laid it out so clearly. Most of what you will read from this point on in today's post is taken from my notes on his message. It was a blessing to me and I hope it will be a blessing to you as well.

1. God will never lead you in a path that contradicts His Word. In other words, if God says in the Bible that something is sin, He will NEVER “lead” you do it. If you are praying about something that is called sin in the Bible, and yet you feel “peace” about it, then it is a false peace. You are lying to yourself to get what you want. God is constant and true; He doesn't change His mind about right and wrong.
2. God's leadership will become evident through a series of circumstances. If God is moving in your life, you will see His fingerprints all over the place. We are not talking anything supernatural; everything will still have a human explanation, but it will be evident that it is of God.
   • This does come with a caution, because there is danger in taking this too far. We can read into strange things and see patterns where there are none.
   • It may take time to become evident. It probably won't be in one big revelatory moment. After all, following God is like the choices we make. It is a turn by turn, step by step, moment by moment decision. We follow Him one day at a time, one decision at a time.
3. His leadership will be evident to others around you. While they cannot make the decision for you, God has given you people who have the wisdom to aid you. Your parents, pastor, Godly people that you respect and know you well, and even good close friends can help. It is wise to seek their input and to listen carefully to what they have to say. Often they too will see God's hand moving in your life. And if you are heading in a wrong way, they might even be able to see your motives more clearly than you can.
4. God's leadership will ALWAYS stretch your faith. It will always bring you to a place of further growth where you have to learn to trust Him more. He may even ask you to begin moving forward before the whole plan is revealed. It may take time for all of the evidence to appear.
5. God's leadership will come in your life at a time when you are delighting in God. What is delighting in God? Pastor Gaddis said, “When you are delighting in God, His will is more important to you than your will.”
   • This involves having a submitted, surrendered heart. It acknowledges that sometimes getting what we want could be the worst thing that could happen to us. It takes faith that says, "While life does involve hardship and trials, ultimately God is a good Father who only gives good gifts to His children." He will not give us what we want if it bad for us.
   • This step might be the most important. Because circumstances, the opinions of others, and even having faith can potentially be skewed or twisted to fit our our plans when we want something badly enough. For example: we could misread circumstances to give evidence to something that is baseless. We might ask only people who agree with us for advice. We could tell ourselves that “it just takes faith” when the evidence of God's hand is lacking.

This wasn't in Bro. Gaddis' message, but I think opposition often comes along with knowing God's will. It could be as small, like gentle resistance to simply put something off a little while, or big, like flat-out full-scale persecution. Not everyone around you will understand or agree with your decision. It could involve a lot more work than you expected. It may even discourage you. But take a deep breath, grab hold of your faith, and remember that when God reveals His plan He will provide you with the grace and strength to follow it.

Songs on a Sunday - Lean on Me

I chose this song this week because I have felt the way it describes many times. Maybe I am alone in this, although I rather doubt it. There have been times that I have looked around and wondered if anyone cared that my heart was breaking. There where days when I wondered if anyone understood how alone, miserable, or overwhelmed that I felt.

When I could manage to hide the pain from everyone, I would be relieved because I didn't want anyone to see it. But yet my very success also made me even more sad. I mean, shouldn't everyone have SOMEONE that is close enough to look past the facade and see the hidden tears? 

This song reminds me that I do have Someone, and so could everyone else as well. Even when your friends leave you feeling neglected, uncared for, or simply left out God is still there. Even when your family is too far away or too busy to notice, God still knows. Even when people unknowingly say exactly the wrong thing and it pierces your heart, God understands that anguish. Even when you have so much going on that you feel as though you are drowning, God is there to offer His hand to pull you up out of the stormy seas of life.

My prayer today is that this song will be a blessing and encouragement to all who read it, as it has been to me.

Lean on Me

When no one cared about me, if I should live or die,

When no one bothered asking, why I go alone and cry,

When burdens got so heavy that I could not face the day,

Then I'd feel His arms around me and hear Him gently say,

“Lean on Me when you have no strength to stand.

When you feel you're going under, hold tighter to My hand.

Lean on Me when your heart begins to bleed.

When you come to the place that I'm all you have – you'll find I'm all you need.”

When the road ahead looks rugged and the path is getting steep.

I feel that I can't make it and my heart begins to weep.

Then I turn to see who's comin' to join me in the way.

And I see that it's my Saviour and I hear Him gently say,

“Lean on Me when you have no strength to stand.

When you feel you're going under, hold tighter to My hand.

Lean on Me when your heart begins to bleed.

When you come to the place that I'm all you have – you'll find I'm all you need.”

And I Choose... to Be Grumpy!

Ever have one of those days when it just seems like nothing is going right? I had a great day today, but I have had those days. You know the kind... You wake up and realize that you turned your alarm off rather than hitting snooze so you now have 20 minutes to get ready and leave for work. You rush through a shower, throw on some clothes and shoes that you hope match. You hurriedly leave without makeup, breakfast, or having read your Bible. And the only prayer you have said was, "Lord help me to HURRY and by some miracle not be late!" Then you get stuck behind the one driver in the whole city who is not speeding but is instead going half the speed limit. You get to work feeling frazzled, hungry, and most of all annoyed. Then before you are even supposed to be open (the sign SAYS we open at 8:00 and it's only 7:45 people!), you have to deal with cranky customers that leave you wondering if half the population was born without half their brains and entirely without common sense.

Now if all that happened to you what do you think your attitude would be or has been? Well, it would be exactly whatever you make it. The cool (and at times annoying) thing about attitudes is that they are entirely your choice. I learned this as a teenager, although I would say it's really a lot like the motto of the game Othello - "Moments to learn and a lifetime to master."

We are all going to have "bad" days. The problem comes in when feel justified having a bad attitude and being grouchy, grumpy, snippy, crabby, or just short with people in general. We think, "Look at all that has gone wrong today. I have the RIGHT to be grouchy!"

I have found that when I find myself choosing a bad attitude over a good one, it's because I am looking at life wrong. I have a selfish mindset and am focusing on the negatives. You might be saying, "But I genuinely FEEL..." I understand. I know those feelings too. But if we can change the way we think, it will also change how we feel.

Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

If I change how I think about the morning that I described earlier, I can change how I feel about it. First off, I have to adjust my thoughts to what is true and honest. I don't know if you noticed, but there was some major exaggeration going on in my description of a horrible morning. "The ONE driver in the WHOLE city... HALF the speed limit." When I exaggerate, I paint a worse mental picture of the situation than it actually is! I should correct those thoughts and be realistic.

In this example, I can also check my thoughts for praise. For example, I could be thankful that God graciously woke me up when He did, rather than after I was already late. I could be thankful that I made it to work safely without breaking down, being pulled over, or being in an accident. I could be thankful that I can be a help to customers who definitely need help. I could also be thankful that the very customers who annoy me also provide me with job security. If I had all these thankful thoughts going through my head, how do you think I would feel? I might still feel rushed and maybe a little bit frazzled but I would also be much less frustrated and annoyed. I wouldn't feel snappy but grateful.

It might sound far too simple, but when I don't feel like letting go of my grumpies I need to start listing different things that I have to be thankful for or different blessings in my life. It helps to get my focus off of myself and back on God. After all when my focus is on myself, how could I help but end up depressed? My own selfishness, my own lack of perfection, and the disappointments of life being different than I want it to be would surely make me miserable.

When I shift the focus back on God though, what a difference! He is perfect! His plans for my life are perfect. In submitting to those plans, I can find peace and satisfaction. When I see the many countless blessings that He pours on me daily and even moment by moment, how can I feel anything less than joy, peace, and exaltation? Even now as I think about His blessings I find myself getting excited!

We truly have far too many blessings to choose to be grumpy!

You Just Might Save a Life

You hear the words “Donating blood.” What comes to mind? Perhaps “Ewwwww gross!” Or, “No way, not me. That involves needles. Needles + blood + pain = scary!” These are all legitimate thoughts. It is kinda gross if you think about it and for those scared of needles it can indeed be scary.

I have always been scared of needles. It goes back to my one of my earliest childhood memories - being in the ER and having several adults holding me down while I screamed and they poked me over and over and over. (They were trying to get an IV in me because I was very dehydrated, but I was two and all I understood was that it hurt.) Whenever I am faced with a shot or a needle of any kind, I still have to remind myself that, “It doesn't hurt that bad. It doesn't hurt that bad. It doesn't hurt that bad.” To this day, it still makes me uncomfortable and nervous.

So, why would it be worth it to donate? We all instantly think of people who have suffered a major trauma in a tragic accident. But they are not the only people who rely on other's generosity to survive. According to what I have read, people who are severely anemic, have blood clotting disorders, many who are fighting various cancers, or those who are undergoing a major surgery may also need transfusions. Many, many lives are saved or prolonged by blood donations.

Whole blood can only be donated every 56 days for those who are eligible. And not everyone is eligible. To donate you must answer an extensive list of health related questions, be in good general health, have the right amount of iron in your blood, etc. Many people do not qualify because of time spent out of country, medications that they take, being pregnant, or age and weight restrictions (you must be at least 17 and cannot weigh less than 110 pounds), etc. 

Maybe you wonder why I feel so passionate about something that scares me. Well, my Granddad died of leukemia when I was 12 or 13. He had many, many transfusions over the course of his treatments. They gave him more time with us and I will always be thankful for that.

So even though I don't enjoy it, I find that it is worth it to face my fears knowing that it could help saves someone's life. Or it could help prolong a life, giving someone's loved ones a little more time with the person they will soon have to learn to live without. And to be honest I think it falls a little bit under the “do unto others” part of the “Golden Rule.” I would want my loved one to have the blood necessary to survive...

The question to ask yourself (if you are eligible) is this: Is a little inconvenience, discomfort, and a teeny bit of pain worth the potential to save someone else's life? For me that answer could be nothing less than rolling up my sleeve, turning my head, squeezing that little stress reliever thing for all it's worth, and enduring the discomfort that is naturally a part of the process. But when I walk away with my arm wrapped, I can hold my head high knowing I faced my fears and that maybe, just maybe, I made a difference in someone else's life the way others made a difference in my Granddad's life.

Songs on a Sunday - Channels Only

Considering how much money the music industry generates every year, the love of music must be a fairly universal part of us humans. I love music personally. The way it flows, the rhythm, the way it can move you body, soul, and spirit... all of it combines into something special and unique.

I thought that I would set aside Sundays for posting and discussing my favorite songs.

The first song I have chosen is "Channels Only." It's an old but beautiful hymn that speaks deeply to me. Because of the way it rolls off of your tongue, I always want to sing it with a little bit of an Irish accent because it just seems to lend itself to the soft and lilting melody.

I had heard it before, but it became precious to me the summer I worked at the Bill Rice Ranch. It was the theme song for all of the devotions held for the girl workers that summer. Perhaps it  became so precious to me because it went so well with what God was teaching me that summer - that the smallest, insignificant, behind-the-scenes jobs are still serving Him when done for His glory to accomplish His work.

Channels Only

How I praise Thee, precious Savior, That Thy love laid hold of me;

Thou hast saved and cleansed and filled me That I might Thy channel be.

Refrain:

Channels only, blessèd Master,
But with all Thy wondrous power
Flowing through us, Thou canst use us
Every day and every hour.

Just a channel full of blessing, To the thirsty hearts around;
To tell out Thy full salvation All Thy loving message sound.

Refrain

Emptied that Thou shouldest fill me, A clean vessel in Thy hand;
With no power but as Thou givest Graciously with each command.

Refrain

Witnessing Thy power to save me, Setting free from self and sin;
Thou who boughtest to possess me, In Thy fullness, Lord, come in.

Refrain

Jesus, fill now with Thy Spirit Hearts that full surrender know;
That the streams of living water From our inner self may flow.

Refrain

Verse 1-2: Speak to me of the blessing of salvation and tell that God saves us for a purpose - to be His channel, a vessel He can use to pour His blessings out on others. Verse 3-5: Speak to me so eloquently of God's enabling power, how we cannot accomplish anything on our own, and that in serving Him by serving others we will find enough strength for ourselves as His power flows through us. It speaks of consecration and surrender. Refrain: Speaks to me of unselfishness and humility. We are nothing special, just a vessel He uses to pour out His blessings on others, but look at what does flow through us! His wondrous power!

A Forgotten Miracle

I was doing laundry today and while I was taking my clothes out of the dryer, it got me thinking...

You know how back when the Israelites where wandering around the wilderness for 40 years? Well, there were many amazing miracles that happened in their lives. They saw many, many miracles and wonders just in trying to escape Egypt. Then there was the parting of the Red Sea, the daily manna, water from the rocks, and the pillar of cloud by day and fire by night.

Today the miracle that came to mind today is a little less exciting, a little less well-know. Maybe even a little "boring." It was about how their clothes and shoes did not wear out during the whole 40 years that they wandered the wilderness. It's one of those miracles that you can easily overlook. It's only mentioned in about three verses (as best as I could tell).

Deuteronomy 29:5  And I have led you forty years in the wilderness: your clothes are not waxen old upon you, and thy shoe is not waxen old upon thy foot.

Deuteronomy 8:4  Thy raiment waxed not old upon thee, neither did thy foot swell, these forty years.

 Nehemiah 9:21  Yea, forty years didst thou sustain them in the wilderness, so that they lacked nothing; their clothes waxed not old, and their feet swelled not.

Even as you read these verses, it doesn't seem like a big deal. Clothes didn't wear out; shoes didn't wear out. Yawn. OK, moving on.

But wait! Think about it! The clothes they wore every day did not wear out for 40 years! The shoes they wore, often while traveling on foot for days at a time, didn't wear out for 40 years! They gained weight, lost weight, kids grew into adults, and yet their clothes still fit and hadn't worn out. Their shoes didn't become "holey." The soles didn't wear out.

Now, I don't know about you. Maybe I am just super rough on shoes, but I feel like I have done well if a pair of boots is useable a second winter. Or if a pair of sandals make it through daily use for another summer. And clothes... From year to year, how many things wear out? You wash something and it shrinks. Over time the colors fade, the material wears thin, the edges fray, the zippers break, you catch on stuff and tear holes, you spill stuff and have stains, and I am sure the list could go on.

My point is that time naturally has a negative affect on the lifespan of our clothing. It does not last more than a couple years even in our day and age. And let's not forget the lifestyle differences either. These people were living in tents in a desert. They were nomadic and traveled a lot! In comparison our lives are very much indoors and "soft." Also, they most likely wore the same clothes every day and I am not sure how they cleaned them. If anything, the clothes and shoes they wore should have worn out much faster than ours do today.

So in reality this was a pretty big miracle. After all this wasn't just for one or two people, but thousands and thousands of people. And it was for 40 years! Other than the daily manna, what other miracle lasted 40 years?

Perhaps if we kept this miracle in mind it wouldn't be so hard to believe one made by Jesus to us...

And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.  Mark 6:28-34

What's In a Name?

Nicknames – some people love them, some people hate them. I know that people, especially kids can be ruthless and may give a nickname in spite or to poke fun. I don’t really ever remember having that happen to me. My nickname experiences have all been pretty good. I think I have always loved them; at least as far back as I can remember I have. There’s something about a nickname that makes me feel so accepted, welcome, loved. They make me feel “all warm and fuzzy inside.”

You might be laughing but think about it. By calling you something other than your given name, your friend is kinda saying that they feel close enough to you to give you a name of their own. It’s like a verbal signal to everyone around you that you are friends, good friends. It shows you belong in their group.

I have many nicknames that I love because they came from people that were special to me. My roommates in my last year of college called me “Annlee.” My sister calls me “Annalily.” Various teachers and co-workers have called me “Annabelle” or “Annabanana.” My friends in OKC call me “Aynne” (That one’s all about the pronunciation!). My little brother called me “Glasses” when he was a baby. To my Grandma I am “Sunshine.” And I remember when I was about 5, my Grandmother and Granddad called me “the Texas Tornado.”

Another thing I like about a nickname is the story behind it, ‘cause there usually is one. For example my high school friends used to call me “Annabelle.” Then we all watched “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” and the little calf at the barn building’s name was also Annabelle. So then my nickname evolved into “Annabelle-moo-moo.” It still makes me giggle when I think about it!

Then there are some nicknames that only really one person can get away with. For my sister that was “Jenny;” only Dad got to call her that. For me it’s “Annie.” I hate, hate, HATE being called “Annie” because it’s a mispronunciation of my name. (It’s actually a pet-peeve of mine to introduce myself to someone as “Anne.” Then they read my name and say, “Oh it’s really Annie.” It makes me want to shout, “It’s called phonics, People! The ‘e’ is silent!”) But my friend Andrea calls me that and when she does (and only her!) it makes me feel special.

So what are all of your nicknames? The good? The awful? The special? I'd love to hear some of yours too...

A Little Peace and Quiet

Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to go somewhere and be by yourself? Normally I am a very social person whose day is just not complete if I am not hanging out with somebody. Being alone is tough for me; I don't enjoy it. Yet even still, there are days when I just feel the need to get away.


I was "interviewed" for my SS class' newsletter recently and one of the questions asked what would I choose to do with my day if I were granted a day off from work and could do whatever I wanted. Right now the answer to that question would be this - go camping somewhere beautiful like Turner Falls. (I know it's in Oklahoma, but I guess even Oklahoma has a couple pretty spots...) I would start out the day all by myself. I would take my Bible, my journal, a pen, and fun book (and probably a water bottle) and then go take a hike. I would find a nice spot and sit and read and pray. Just relax and take all the time I wanted, in no rush. Then in the afternoon or evening I would want to be joined by a big group of friends and we could play games, roast marshmellows over the fire (What's a camping trip without a really good fire?), talk, joke, and laugh.


While there are unfortunately no camping trips on the horizon, I am going on my first real vacation in a couple of weeks and I can hardly wait! My family is going to Arkansas together and though I am looking forward to spending time with them, talking, playing card games, chasing my 5 year old little brother around, etc. I am also really looking forward to having some quiet time.


Why am I so eager for some peace and quiet? Well, the last 6 months have been a bit of a whirlwind. I started hanging out with the "Super Six" around then. Never have I felt so accepted and loved by people outside of my family. For the first time in my life I had friends with whom I could completely and totally be myself. I loved it! We did everything together! But life is all about change and nothing stays the same for very long. Summer came. One of my best friends moved away. Another was gone all summer long. New people joined our crowd. People started coupling off. In essence, life happened and things changed. And obviously not all of the changes were bad things at all and, in fact, most were great; they were just simply different.


About that same time things got crazy in several other areas of my life as well. My roommate and I had to decide what to do about renewing the lease in our apartment. We went through several different plans before that was all settled. Things were very much up in the air for a couple months just trying to figure out where I was going to live and who I was going to live with. Now I can't wait for August to get here because my sister is going to be my new roommate!


My job also went through some major changes. On my birthday we were told that we were having a meeting with the CEO the next morning. There had been a few warning signs and we were all afraid it meant that our branch was closing. It was. Thankfully none of us lost our jobs, but we did have immediate changes. For the next two months I did not go longer than 2 weeks working with the same person in my branch. Plans were tossed around, set, changed, changed again... There were points when I felt like all I knew for sure was where I was supposed to show up the following morning. In the end though it has been a great experience. Soon I will be in a new department with lots to learn and a great chance to grow. It couldn't be better!


So combine all this craziness with the fact that I graduated in 2009 and moved cross-country twice in a 13 month span of time, worked through the "vacations" for both jobs in 2010, and have typically worked two jobs at around 50-55 hours a week, and you can surely see why I am looking forward to vacation and some downtime!

I think I am ready for a chance to experience Psalm 46:10 a little bit.

"Be still and know that I am God."

Hurry Up! And wait...

Something that God has been working on in my life for the past several years is patience and waiting on Him. Anyone who knows me probably knows that I am not all about patience. I tend to be pretty task oriented and once I know what I am supposed to do I just go "get 'er done." Right then. Immediately. The sooner the better.

But when it comes to life in general and specifically the plans God has for my life, well, it just doesn't work that way. I think that is something that God has gradually been trying to show me since I graduated high school and set out to fulfill "My Plan."

1. Go to Bible college
2. Meet the love of my life
3. Graduate
4. Get married immediately after graduation
5. Go serve God on a foreign mission field, preferably South Africa in an orphanage
6. Have about a dozen kids of my own

My first clue that perhaps my plan wasn't the same as God's came when I couldn't finish my second semester of college for health reasons - set back number 1. Then I transferred to another school - set back number 2. Then due to the same health reasons I couldn't take all the required classes I needed to take for a couple of years. I ended up taking a total of 6 years to complete my four year degree, but I finished! I could finally check that off the list.

But what happened to step 2? Meet the love of my life? "Umm... God did you forget something? I mean, I even 'gave' you two extra years? I think something got skipped here and it kinda messed up any plans on fulfilling steps 4 and 6." Wasn't I generous? Allowing God extra time to do as I wanted...

Well, since God had already shown me during one of my two junior years that the mission field was my idea not His, my plan was officially laying in ruins at His feet. Which is probably where He had been gently trying to get it the whole time. All I could do was take the pen writing the story of my life and hand it over to Him. And that's where the waiting really began.

I am 26 years old and have no boyfriend, no husband, no kids. I work for a wonderful bank rather than a full-time ministry. I work with 4 year old girls, in nursery, on a bus, and in Junior church rather than with orphans. God's story for my life is turning out very different than I planned for it to be written. There are days I want to grab that pen and write my own story. And there are many, many times when the desire to have my own way rises up and threatens to choke the joy out of my life.

That's when I have to start all over. Here is my new list. Or maybe it's more of a thought process...

1. God's plan for me is the best plan; it will bring me the most joy (not necessarily happiness).
2. I want to have God's unexplainable joy in my life.
3. Therefore I want God's plan, however different from my own it may be, more than I want my plan.

Waiting is not easy. Impatience is deeply ingrained. Deep, heartfelt desires do not disappear or stay surrendered easily. There are times that I may have to repeat this thought process over and over and over to myself  within the same 5 minute span. But it is becoming easier. It's getting easier to say "Not my will but Thine Lord" combined with "though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." ('Cause I know that God's plans for me will not be void of pain and suffering.) I just have to keep surrendering that pen and have faith that God's plan for me will be written out nice and clear in due time. After all, His timing is always perfect. 

"Blessed Father, we humbly beseech Thee, let none that wait on Thee be ashamed; no, not one. Some are weary, and the time of wait appears long. And some are feeble, and scarcely know how to wait... Father, teach us how to wait...let none that wait on Thee be ashamed!"  (Taken from Andrew Murray's devotional Waiting on God. I saw this quote on a friend's Facebook status and I think it kinda sums up my own prayers on to God about waiting.)

Welcome to my world...

Hello!

You are about to start exploring a strange new land - my world. I'll be your guide as we begin this adventure. Who knows what lies ahead? As with all explorers you run the risk of heading into scary territory, but there could be hidden treasures too... Knowing me there will be plenty of funny stories, many deep thoughts, and an abundance of random absurdity. Since life includes such variety in the beautiful and the plain, laughter and tears, happy times and hard times, there will probably be some mountain tops as well as deep valleys to explore. I guess you'll just have to decide for yourself if you want to come on this adventure with me, but I think it will be fun! Come on, take my hand and let's go explore... 

My World