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I hope I am not alone in the desire to live a happy life. (Because if I am then I have greatly misjudged the rest of the world!)
- What is happiness?
- How do we achieve it?
- Why is it different for each person?
- Why am I happy/unhappy?
- Will I ever be happy again?
- I really, really wish...
- I would be happy if....
- Life is so good, what is there to be unhappy about?
"pleasure, joy, exhilaration, bliss, contentedness, delight, enjoyment, satisfaction. Happiness, bliss, contentment, felicity imply an active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction. Happiness results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good: the happiness of visiting one's family. Bliss is unalloyed happiness or supreme delight: the bliss of perfect companionship. Contentment is a peaceful kind of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified: contentment in one's surroundings. Felicity is a formal word for happiness of an especially fortunate or intense kind: to wish a young couple felicity in life."Basically, happiness is based on circumstances; it is derived from how satisfied you are with your day to day life and all the trappings that involves. Since some people are happier than others; they may be more content and satisfied with their situations in life, but it doesn't necessarily mean that their situations are better than everyone else's. They took the lemons life gave them and made the suggested lemonade. So what makes the difference?
Here is my "recipe" for making...
Life Lemonade.
Step 1. Identify your lemons.
We need to evaluate our lives to find the root causes when we discover we are unhappy. What your I-would-be-happy-ifs...? What specific things are making you unhappy about your situation in life? (If you are having a hard time pinpointing specific causes then you may not have an abundance of lemons in your life's kitchen, but you may have other issues such as the unhappiness that comes when your relationship with the Lord is strained. Or you may have let your lemons sit too long and they may have "gone bad" taking you past unhappiness and into actual depression. In either of those cases these steps might help some, but are by no means a cure-all.)
Step 2. Slice open your lemons.
Now that you have figured out the specific things you dislike about your life, it's time to evaluate those things. Cut them into two and examine them. We do this subconsciously all the time, but sometimes we need to take time to purposefully devote thought to them. The evaluation process is meant to determine if you can do anything about those lemons or not.
Perhaps the first thing to ask is this - are your expectations simply set too high? Being disappointed is never easy. If we can change our expectations out of where life is headed, people in our lives, or even ourselves we can find less to be unhappy about.
Charles Morgan (whom I know nothing about other than this quote) said, "The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mode of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up.” There will be times that our lives go different directions than we expected. Accepting the changes and moving on can be a huge step toward happiness. Clinging to the past or past expectations of what life has in store can keep you stuck constantly wishing for something else that will never be attained.
Secondly, there are causes or triggers that we cannot change because we simply have no control over them. This would include such things as the death of a loved one, cold and dreary weather, our unchangeable physical characteristics (i.e. height, what we look like, etc.), or our age. There will always be circumstances that we can't control. (But I don't think that means we must be unhappy the majority of the time... more on that in a later step in the recipe.)
Then there are other things. Do they feel out of your control? Now stop and think hard... are they REALLY? Things like jobs, where we live, our weight, being lonely, etc might appear to be out of our control at first glance, especially is you have sunk down into flat out misery. But those are things that CAN be changed. It might take great effort or a great deal of difficulty but given time and effort, they could be different.
When you wish things were different, you want them to change. We can let unhappiness defeat us when we begin to think that we are stuck. Often what can make us the most miserable is the lack of hope that things will be different, that life will stay the same and we will therefore stay unhappy.
In reality, the "I'm-a-victim-of-my-circumstance" mentality should in and of itself be a red-flag that it's time to make some changes. After all, we have a great deal of say in our circumstances; we just have to take responsibility for them. Realizing that you are not a victim and that you have a say in some of those circumstances can go a long way in giving you the hope that you need to work towards changing your circumstances and being happy.
Step 3. Juice your lemons.
By this, I mean to take action about the things you have identified as lemons in your life and you have decided that you can change. Depending on what you are unhappy about and what steps will be involved, this may be a slow process. At least start by making plans if you can't change it all at once.
Look closely at those lemons. What would it take to deal with them? Is it really impossible or are we sometimes just too lazy or unwilling to "pay the price." There's a cost to everything, whether it be of money, effort, a complete change in lifestyle, or changing where we live. The choice boils down to this... am I going to stay unhappy or am I going to do what needs to be done even if it is difficult, takes a long time, or is costly?
Acknowledge it up front, many things cannot be changed quickly. You might have to work towards a goal for years before you achieve it. But does the amount of time involved make it not worth it? Only if we are settling for the "instant" mindset. Giving up on "instant" can help motivate you to make the changes you felt would take too long.
For example: you might be unhappy about the way you look because you don't have straight teeth and don't like how it looks when you smile. You may have realized that is something you can change, but it won't be overnight. Braces are expensive so you may not be able to rush out and get them tomorrow. But you can make plans for how to set money aside and begin saving. You could also have an orthodontist do their free evaluation exam to see what will be involved both in time and expense. In other words, you can start the process of change!
Don't be afraid to get creative or think outside the box. Sometimes a lemon can be dealt with in a different way than you have been insisting to yourself (and/or the Lord) that it needs to be fixed.
I have personal example of this for you. I was feeling lonely due to some circumstances that had left me entirely without my close circle of friends that I had enjoyed for the past year. I was thinking that the only way to solve my loneliness was through other friendships. But I realized that companionship does not always have to come in human form. I had missed having a pet ever since I left for college and I came to the point in February that I realized I could finally see the way to make a pet happen. After the necessary research, I found the only thing "in my way" was an expensive pet deposit. It was worth it to me to pay the price necessary to have a pet and companion like I wanted, turning an unpleasant circumstance of my life to a pleasant one.
Bonus Cooking Tip: While it may be tempting to try to attempt to deal with a whole bunch of lemons at one time, trying to chop up and juice too many lemons at once is a bad idea; it could actually be harmful (chopped up fingers, anyone?), leave you frustrated, and just plain create a big mess for you to clean up.
Step 4. Add in some water and sugar.
Lemonade would be too sour if we didn't add water and sugar. Life too can be sour if we leave out some things. Your walk with the Lord could be compared to the water. It actually makes up the largest part of lemonade. It's the least expensive ingredient, taking only a little time and effort. Daily time in the Bible and praying, as well as maintaining constant communication moment by moment will comprise the largest portion of your happiness. You might add memorizing or posting verses in your home and work area. Make prayer lists. Just work at staying close to God! Only He can give you the grace to be happy in spite of the things you truly cannot change; only He can teach you contentment (refer to the definition at the top). Stay close to Him. Distance only makes the lemon juice in your life more potent and bitter.
If walking with the Lord is the water, then unselfishness is the sugar. Becoming too selfish and self-centered is a sure-fire way to make anyone unhappy. We find a great deal of sweetness in life as we find ways to serve others. Turn off the TV and DO things! This could be serving in your local church, volunteering in your community, taking the time and effort to try to cheer someone else up, cooking or baking for someone else, and the list could go on and on. Just as sugar is a very important ingredient in sweetening up lemonade, doing things for others is very important in sweetening life lemonade.
Step 5. Enjoy!
So when you are annoyed, frustrated, or unhappy with something in or about your life, ask yourself this "What am I going to do about it?" Don't settle for living a sour-faced life; take the lemons life throws you, make yourself some sweet lemonade, and enjoy your life as God intended!
