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The other night at church the HBBC choir sang "My Answer is Yes." As I was listening, something in the words struck me differently than they ever had before, even though I have heard the song many, many times.
The chorus says, "I'll be anything You want me to be - my answer is 'Yes'." In essence the choir was telling God, I will be anything, do anything that You want. Whatever you ask of me, I will tell you "Yes." I have sung along with those words myself fully and sincerely believing them to be true.
Yet this time it hit me. "Do I really mean that?" I wondered. "Am I really willing to say "Yes" wholeheartedly and unreservedly NO MATTER WHAT God asks?" This actually brought several different scenarios to mind.
What if...? #1
Especially with the SWBC Missions Conference going on this week, surrendering to God to be a missionary might come easily to mind. For some people the thought of giving God a blank check with their life brings terror-filled thoughts of trudging through a jungle with 12 children in tow, ducking vines and snakes, slipping and sliding in the mud caused by a torrential downpour, and then arriving in your destination only to be greeted by half-naked, spear-carrying natives with disgruntled looks on their faces who speak a language you don't understand.
You might be afraid that saying "Yes" to God would mean that you would be going to bed each night in fear of your life, enduring great persecution, or wondering when you would have electricity or running water that you didn't have to boil first. That you would constantly worry about your child getting sick and dying from some strange, exotic disease. That you would become a widow at an early age because your husband died a martyr and left you with those 12 kids to care for on your own.
Honestly, I can see the cause for concern and I acknowledge that it could be possible for each of those things to happen. But I grew up hoping to be a missionary and while I do not at all desire for those hardships or trials, I kind of figured they potentially went with the territory when I told God "anything."
What if...? #2
This second scenario is the one that God has been working in my heart about lately. It's a totally different set of things that "anything" could involve. What if "anything" means working a (so-called) "secular" job, not just for now, but for the rest of my life. I might end up facing the struggles of staying single rather than the struggles of staying married. It could mean rather than being a harried mom of 12 that I never become a mom. At all.
Anything might mean that instead of working with wild jungle natives whose language I don't speak, I could be drilling memory verses into the minds of wild four year old girls (whose language I still may not understand). My worries may be less about the availability of electricity and clean water and more about paying the electric and water bills on time.
God has been showing me that just because I have a "good" desire doesn't mean that He is obligated to fulfill it the way I want. Just because the desire I have might even be "spiritual" doesn't make it His plan for me. He might even tell me "No" about something that I think would be good.
*Gasp* Are you reading this in horror and disbelief because it goes against today's popular name it-claim it teaching? Are you fearlessly pulling out Ps. 37:4 as if it were your genie-in-a-bottle guarantee to always get your own way, especially if the plan you have is good or spiritual? Well, just remember that God says His ways are different than ours. Remember that David greatly desired to build the Temple for God but God limited him to preparing for it. Paul also earnestly desired to continue spreading the Gospel in one direction, but God told him "No" and sent him to Macedonia instead.
Maybe none of the things I mentioned are relevant to you. The things that I fear or the life's path that I would rather not take will be different, just as my dreams and hopes are different. But we each have things that we hope, desire, or even expect to happen in our lives. When we come to the place where God asks us for total surrender, we each have things that come to mind we fear He will ask us to give up or we fear He will actually ask us to do.
Keeping those things in mind, those fears that just popped in your head, those miniature idols that you are clasping close to your heart, would you still say "Anything You ask of me, my answer is 'Yes'?" Could you say it sincerely? Would I? Are we really willing to write God a blank check with our lives knowing that we are signing our lives away to whatever He chooses?
Or do we say "anything" while in our hearts we really mean "anything but that"?
Good to see you. Thanks for sharing-these are good reminders.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mandy! I have entered you into the drawing. I am glad that you found it helpful! =)
DeleteIt's funny, that you post this, because when I first dedicated my life to God, I had positioned myself to say "yes" to scenarios similar to What if...#1. God really burdened my heart for missions, and in particular the areas in South-Central Asia (particularly since my father's family is part of an "unreached people group" in northwest India and I see the spiritual darkness firsthand). I honestly believed (and to some extent, still do believe) I might be called to go there one day. I don't exactly envision half-naked, spear carrying natives, but many of those areas are unreached because of hostility to Christianity and evangelism, so there is an element of danger involved.
ReplyDeleteAs I first came to realize that the scenarios similar to What if...#2 seemed more in line with what God had for me, I couldn't help but feel...disappointed. I remember telling a friend before graduation: "You know how God said "Who will go for us?" in Isaiah? I feel like I'm bouncing on my toes, waving my hand, and saying "Pick me! Pick me!"...but He just won't do it." Of course, I've learned that being in God's will, and being confidant that I'm where God wants me to be, is most fulfilling.
Sometimes, though... sometimes I still wonder.
Anita, It's good to know that I am not the only one who feels that way at times. Your "pick me, pick me" picture is precisely how I feel. =)
DeleteIt's been harder for me to surrender to the idea that perhaps missions was always my own idea of how I could best serve God rather than His. At this point, I believe that I could be happy and content with either scenario (although I never actually pictured myself in the jungles but really pictured working in orphanages). Like you, I wonder, "Is this it? Or is it simply this is it for now?" I suppose only time and God's leadership will tell.