Songs on a Sunday - I Know Who Holds Tomorrow

I haven't done a Songs on a Sunday post in a while because I hadn't had any new songs just jump out and squeeze my heart lately. But even though it wasn't sung in church today, my sister was randomly singing this song today and it caught my attention. Read the words; they are very encouraging!

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow

by Ira Stanphill in 1950

Verse 1

I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from it's sunshine,
For it's skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Refrain
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

Verse 2

Ev'ry step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter;
Ev'ry cloud is silver lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eyes,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky.

Refrain
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

Verse 3

I don't know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood. 

Refrain
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

Once Upon a Dream

Some of my earliest and fondest memories are being read to by my parents and then reading to myself when I grew old enough. I have always loved reading because of the stories. There's something almost magical about reading that transports you out of your own bedroom and deposits you in the middle of your story. A good author has the power to make you forget, even if for a short while, who you are and sets you free on the seas of imagination. Oh the freedom! The possibilities!

I am not sure when that love for reading began to translate into a love for writing, but I do distinctly remember as early as 3rd grade that I loved creative writing! My favorite school assignment was having my spelling words for the week turned into a list that I had to somehow incorporate into a story. My little diary was also a staple most every day. My sister and I would take our toys and build up scenes in the stories I would write, so we could see what I imagined visually. I fancied myself to be a writer just like Anne Shirley in the "Anne of Green Gables" series. My imagination then was fresh, dramatic, vivid. I dreamed of one day being an author.

As a teenager I still wrote in my journal. When I felt like I would burst, it would relieve the pressure built up inside me. Countless times when I was wide awake at night, I would open my journal and write until I was relaxed enough to fall asleep. During my teens years, I also discovered that it was easier for me to open up and share my heart through written rather than spoken word. I could expresses myself far more through a letter than I could ever say aloud. I could be bolder through writing than I would be otherwise.

Then college came along and I grew more focused on editing, perfecting, and polishing. Writing evolved into more function than fun; it was a necessity rather than enjoyable. Writing for me became solely a matter of proper punctuation, good grammar, and the correct research documentation. I convinced myself that I was not a writer but an editor. After all I had become a Yearbook editor in 8th grade and spent 10 years immersed in that world.

While I never lost my love for reading, somewhere along the way I lost my enjoyment of writing. I think it was about the same time that I lost the ability to dream. My dreams were lost as the real world crowded out the imaginary. Life became all about necessity and the need for practicality; it left little room for dreaming. I had to "grow up" and face reality. Practicality numbed my imagination and lacking imagination my love for writing was temporarily erased. I forgot writing could be fun. Even my journal became more about finding relief or recording facts than about having fun.

When I told my dad that several of my friends had started blogs, his immediate response was that I should too. Perhaps he remembered better than I did my childhood love for writing or perhaps he just thought it would be a good outlet for me. Either way, my response was a complete rejection of the idea. I was an editor, better at polish than creativity. But the idea stuck. I found myself thinking that blogging looked like so much fun!

Eventually I broke down and this blog was born. Through it I have begun to fall in love with writing all over again. I think the biggest change is that writing is teaching me once again to dream, that life doesn't always have to be practical. That a life without dreams, imaginations, and what-ifs, is far too dull a life to live. That someone along the way I had lost the childlike ability to dream and that it's OK to reach back into the past and pull it up with me into the present.

So this coming November, I am going to dream. I am going to dream big! My imagination cap will be firmly placed on my head and even though practicality screams at me that I might not be capable, I will plug my ears and have fun writing!

NaNoWriMo

Hello to all my readers!

I am thinking about trying my hand at a bit more writing. Since you, my brave readers, have already been reading what I write I thought I would share the idea with you. Basically NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month. The concept is simple. Write a 50,000 word novel beginning November 1st and ending November 30th. It must all be written that month, must all be fiction, and must be your individual writing. You can get plot ideas and character sketches down ahead of time, but no actual story writing.

I am not sure that I have the talent or skills to actually accomplish it, but it sounds fun. I am not sure that I am going to be super intense about it, but I think I might just see how far I can get in a month. I have loved reading my whole life and even as a child dreamed about writing books. (What can I say? With a name like Anne I have always loved red hair and wanted to be an author?) As I got older I thought my skills were better suited to editing than writing, but as I have been writing on here I have rediscovered my love for writing too.

I guess I will just see how it goes. I may even post excerpts on here throughout November, just to give y'all a taste and to get your feedback as I am going. As I told a friend, I don't really know if I can do this, but if I am going to try, I am going to try to write something worthy of being published, something with quality and content. Not that my first try would probably actually be worth publishing, but that would be my goal. If I am going to spend my time doing it, I would want it to be readable, something that I would pick up and read if I were to see it in a bookstore. I want to draw on personal experiences and try to write something that will be both entertaining AND encouraging.

So what do y'all think? Should I go for it? Should I step out of my comfort zone and attempt something that I have never tried before and don't know if I can actually do? Should I open myself up to possible failure?

I think I just might.

*If you think my might want to join my journey and write a novel yourself, here is the website where you can learn more.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/whatisnano

A Loving Relationship, Not a Daunting Checklist

God has been working in my life for the past two years to teach me that I really knew nothing about what it means to be spiritual. It's been a process that began with me meeting people who didn't have my same standards and therefore should have been "worldly" people. Yet I came to realize that my definition of what made a person Godly and spiritual must be skewed. You see, these people I met I now consider to be among the most Godly, spiritual people that I know.

I began to see how my list of standards had become a checklist for spirituality. I could see that I would look down on and judge other people as not being as Godly as myself because they didn't follow my list. I began to see pride, arrogance, hypocrisy, self-righteousness in myself. I felt like I had become a modern-day Pharisee. And Jesus was clear in how He felt about them; He didn't count them as spiritual, but as hindrances to the spiritual walk of others.

That started me on a journey. I began to re-evaluate my life, my standards, my beliefs. I knew how to defend what I had grown up believing and living, but I had come to the point where I needed to decide for myself what I believed. I knew that taking another human's word for it was not going to be enough for me, even if that person was my Pastor or my parents. I knew that I couldn't continue to live it if I didn't concretely believe it for myself. I realized that if it wasn't stated out and out in the Bible as a sin then it was a man-made rule. I began to sort through those man-made rules that I had grown up with to see which ones I could trace back to a Biblical basis, not personal preference.

When I moved back to OKC, Pastor Gaddis was preaching about some of the same things I had been learning. He preached about how judging another person's spiritual life based on human standards was wrong. This was exactly what I had been realizing for the past year. He also talked about how God sets a standard that is black and white; He draws the line clearly on an issue. Then he talked about how the Pharisees added to those laws by creating man-made standards. The intention was to prevent them from even getting close to breaking God's laws. Sounds good, sound zealous, sounds spiritual, sounds like us Independent Baptists, right? The motive may have started out right, but the practice went wrong. They began to treat their added standards as the law themselves. They began to believe that a person could not be spiritual unless he followed all of their man-made additions to the law too.

Throughout this time, there still remained one question in my works-oriented mind... If your personal standards are not the basis for evaluating a person's spirituality, then what does make a personal spiritual? This past Wednesday night Pastor's message finally answered that question. The answer is to remember that the spiritual walk is a relationship, not a checklist. I have heard this before many times, but this time it struck me differently.

I had been reading a book about the 5 "love languages" that people "speak." The book is all about relationships and how different people communicate love differently. It talks about how some people do things for each other to show their love. But for it to be an actual expression of love, the action cannot be demanded. If action is demanded then you are required to do a certain thing. You do what is demanded because you fear losing who you love. The book says that action out of fear doesn't show love; you must go beyond what is expected, out of the realm of fear, in order to express love by your actions.

Maybe those things seem completely unrelated, but in my mind they came together and clicked. That was how I had been viewing my relationship with God. I viewed Him as demanding this list of required actions. (I am not going to make a list, because it is different for every person. You will know what you believe is expected of you.) I believed that I had to do these things in order to not displease Him. I did them out of fear, fear that He would not be satisfied or pleased with me, like I had to earn His pleasure and approval.

When Pastor Gaddis talked about the spiritual life not being a checklist, but a relationship it began to click. He even made a comment similar to the one in the book about how action demanded cannot express love. To express love you must be free to choose not to perform those actions. It must be a free choice. God says over and over that salvation freed us. God doesn't demand that we fulfill His commandments any longer.

It doesn't mean that we are justified in going and living however we please. We are free, freed from sin not freed to sin. Even though God doesn't demand that we live a certain way, His standards of right and wrong are still there. But now we have a choice! We are free from His demands to freely express our love to Him of our own free will by choosing to live according to His standards because we know it will please Him.

The difference is subtle...

Instance 1) God demands that we fulfill His laws. We attempt to out of fear of His displeasure. When we fail, we always feel as though we have failed Him. We take our list and fearfully try to check it off, hoping He won't be displeased. We never make it to victory, but struggle with defeat constantly. We think of God as a harsh task master who is demanding and impossible to please.

Instance 2) We realize that God no longer demands that we fulfill His laws. We understand that right is still right and wrong is still wrong and we know that doing right still pleases God; it brings Him pleasure. So as an expression of our love to Him, we choose to do what will bring Him pleasure. We freely choose to do the things on our list, not out of fear of rejection, but because we know we are loved and accepted by God and we desire to show that we love Him too by doing what makes Him happy. We evaluate our lives and actions by how they will please God, not out of fear, but out of eagerness to please Him.

In the end, I may be doing the exact same things as I was before, but now I can do them wholeheartedly with joy. I can do them because I love Him and am grateful for what He has done for me. I can do them because I know that they will make Him happy, not out of fear of displeasing Him.

Courageous

In my last post I talked about the effect that divorce has on kids because it had been heavy on my heart. Pastor's message this Sunday morning was also about family life. He pointed out the mistakes made in the family of Isaac, Rebekah, Jacob, and Esau and the results of those mistakes. It seems like it just keeps coming up lately. This week I also got to see the movie "Courageous." It too talks about the needs that kids have and the effects on their lives when those needs aren't met.

Without giving too much of the story away, I can tell you that it's about 4 policemen who are doing what policemen do. In the course of their job they are battling with some gang members. Throughout the movie the men come to realize what a vital need kids have for a strong, Goldy father in their lives and how the gang members they are fighting are the result of that need being left unfulfilled.

The movie calls for Christian men to stand up and be the true leaders, fathers, and husbands that God desires and designed them to be. It reminds all of us that being a good father means that a man does more than just provide for his family, but he also guides them, spends time with them, and sets the example for them to follow by being a Godly man of integrity himself. It reminds us that this will take a lot of time, thought, purpose, and even more... courage. It will take determination that comes from the knowledge that how a man lives his life has permanent and life-altering affect on the lives of his kids, grandkids, etc.

In the end the movie made me laugh, made me cry, made me laugh, made me cry again, and made me want to call my Daddy. It also made me even more determined to wait for the right person to marry and have a family with. The world has far too many children growing up in broken homes or with distant dads. I refuse to add to their numbers. I want my children to have the kind of father these men determined to be because that's what they will need. I won't settle for less. I will wait for such a man of courage and in doing so, hopefully I will be doing my part to be "Courageous" for my future family too.

Wonderful?

PREFACE: This post could potentially cause some offense. I want to say that it was not written in anger and it is not my intention to hurt anyone who has gone through a divorce. I am sharing this in hopes to help people be aware of how kids feel in a divorce, how I felt when my parents divorced. Perhaps it will help someone think twice someday before giving up on their marriage. Perhaps it will help someone who works with kids at church or at work have a better understanding. Perhaps it will help those blessed enough to grow up in a stable home relate to a friend better.

I understand that not all family situations are the same. If there is abuse or neglect, a separation may be necessary for safety's sake. That would be an issue for another post. This is mainly focused at the kind of situation where the parents could potentially work it out and choose not to.

Either way, I have been working on this for a while and it is something that burdens my heart. I am sharing because if I can help anyone avoid this type of pain, how could I stay silent?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I was about six years old my parents got divorced. I still remember quite vividly the events of that day. It changed my life forever. I am a different person today than I would have been had I grown up with them never getting divorced. I probably would have attended a different church, certainly would not have been home schooled, would have gone to a different college, had a different major, met different people, had different friends, and lived in different houses both while growing up and as an adult. Not much of my life would be the same as it is today.

In addition to all the long-term changes, my everyday life changed immediately. About the only thing that stayed the same was my sister Jen and I being together. We grew closer than we probably would have otherwise. We spent more time with each other than with either parent. Even though we were three years apart we both often told people that we felt more like twins in our bond with each other. We became the "constant" in each other's lives - the one thing that was the same in both worlds we in which we lived.

Because our parents divorced when I was so young, living in a single mom's house and visiting our dad was really the only life I knew. It's actually a little hard for me to remember what life was like before that. Growing up in two separate households, having time divided between them - it was just how life was. I learned to accept it and move on. And I honestly didn't think it bothered me a whole lot. In reality I spent most of my childhood numb, avoiding dealing with the emotions, convincing myself that it hadn't bothered me a whole lot.

But when I was a teenager my dad was going through a music phase of listening to a group called Everclear. They have a song called "Wonderful."* When I first heard that song, I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. It put into words exactly how divorce felt to me. Before then I wouldn't have said I was angry about them getting divorced; I wouldn't have said I felt much of anything about it. Yet, the song is full of anger and I realized it was exactly how I felt.

"I close my eyes when I get too sad. 

I think thoughts that I know are bad. 

Close my eyes and I count to ten; 

Hope it's over when I open them." 

Hearing your parents fight makes a kid feel this way. You just want it to stop. While my sister was more openly bothered by it, I mastered the art of pretending not to hear.

"I want the things that I had before,

Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door.

I wish I could count to ten

And make everything be wonderful again."

When parents get divorced they feel pain, but they also feel relief. In a sense once the divorce is over, the fight it over. Most kids just want everything to go back to "normal." You can't fully understand why everything has to be so different. The one thing kids really want is to feel secure and how can they when their whole world just flipped upside down?

"Hope my mom and I hope my dad

Will figure out why they get so mad.

Hear them scream; I hear them fight.

They say bad words that make me wanna cry."

Parents may shout because they are so angry that they feel they can't help it. It is terrifying for the kids who the parents have probably forgotten were even listening. It's often easy for them to forget because the kids usually hide away in their rooms trying to escape the sound of shouting.

"Close my eyes when I go to bed

And I dream of angels who make me smile.

I feel better when I hear them say

Everything will be wonderful someday."

Parents may feel like they can't escape the reality of a bad marriage. Kids truly can't. Dreams and fantasy worlds may be the only places they feel safe or happy. I think that's why I learned to love reading and movies so much. Through my imagination and the stories I could escape the reality that I hated.

"Promises mean everything when you're little

And the world's so big.

I just don't understand how

You can smile with all those tears in your eyes

And tell me everything is wonderful now.

Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now."

Parents may feel like their wedding vows aren't above breaking. How can a kid trust someone who breaks their promises? Even if it was made before they were born, the promise to be married until death is probably the most important promise a parent can ever make, for their kids' sake. When you tell your worried children that you won't get divorced and then you do... it begins the process of breaking their trust that ends with most children from divorced homes having a hard time trusting anyone. Not that they even realize or consciously think it, but it happens.

A parent may feel like everything is wonderful after the horror of the divorce is over. But for the kids, the horror is just beginning. They start to wonder if they can believe their parents when they say "it will be better now." Their fragile trust starts to crumble under the weight of the painful reality that even if their parents are "happier" now, the they still aren't happier.

"I go to school and I run and play.

I tell the kids that it's all okay.

I laugh aloud so my friends won't know

When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home."

A parent may not understand that it hurts a child so deep inside that it may not even show on the outside. But often on the inside, the kids just want to be anywhere but their at home. Friends houses, school, activities, etc may all be preferable than going home.

"Go to my room and I close my eyes.

I make believe that I have a new life.

I don't believe you when you say

Everything will be wonderful someday."

"Promises mean everything when you're little

And the world is so big.

I just don't understand how

You can smile with all those tears in your eyes

When you tell me everything is wonderful now."

I don't wanna hear you say

That I will understand someday.

No, no, no, no

I don't wanna hear you say

You both have grown in a different way.

No, no, no, no

I don't wanna meet your friends

And I don't wanna start over again.

I just want my life to be the same

Just like it used to be.

Some days I hate everything

I hate everything -

Everyone and everything.

Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now...

You have grown apart? You love each other but not enough to live together? Or maybe you just don't love each other at all anymore. These kinds of explanations won't ever make full sense to the kids. But they do make a child worried that you will stop loving them someday too. Or they may feel like it's really their fault somehow. They may become desperate for your approval because they fear you will stop loving them. Or they may lash out in anger trying to push you away so you can't hurt them when you leave them too. Anger, hate, bitterness - they all go hand-in-hand and they are all destructive.

Time goes on. The wounds start to heal for the parent, but the pain for the child is just beginning to grow. As they get older, the wound grows larger and larger as they realize that things will never go back to "how it was before." They start to see more and more things that they missed out on.The constant back and forth and divided loyalties and divided love can put a lot of pressure on kids.

Even if you have parents like mine who actually still supported each other and didn't talk bad about each other, kids can feel guilty for missing one parent while with the other. They may feel bad for being happy when they are with one parent because it can feel like a betrayal of the love they have for their other parent. And of course, holidays, birthdays, vacations, etc all have to be traded back and forth.

And it doesn't get easier with time. In fact, the older the kids get the harder it is.  As teens, they are far more likely to develop eating disorders, drop out of school, and be suicidal. Also, once they have graduated they have to choose who they will spend time with and when, all while trying not to offend or hurt either other parent. That can be a lot of pressure.

Another long-term effect is that those trust issues they develop as kids will follow them into their friendships and eventually their own marriages. Sadly, children from a divorced home are far more likely to end up in a troubled marriage themselves. After they get married and have kids of their own, grandkids complicate everything further because there will be three or four sets (rather than two) of grandparents to divided the time between.

Speaking from experience, divorce is simply devastating. It's effects on all involved are long-lasting and immeasurable. Please don't let this article describe your children someday. Make your marriage vows last and then everything will actually be "wonderful."


*I am not recommending or advocating the song or artist. Moral/spiritual reasons aside (because that's a debate for another day), I personally can't listen to it because it still bothers me.

Hope Dorm - Room 705

My sister and I invited a bunch of people over to watch a movie. One of Jen's fellow Witness! members and one of my old roomies ended up being the only ones to come. We had a great time! We spent the last couple of hours watching a movie, talking, and just hanging out. It was nice to spend some time with a couple of people who know me better than anyone else in the world.

As we were talking we started to reminisce about the year I spent in Hope Dorm Room 705 with Heather, Lindsey, and Faith. It was also my sister's first year and since she was in the same dorm, she also spent a lot of time in there.

I made memories that I hope I never forget! One is the memory of the only time I can really remember getting angry with them. I had won a Beta fish in a Christmas game at work and jokingly named him Ross after the CEO. Even though we tried repeatedly to rename him, nothing ever stuck and he was stuck being Ross.

Well, one day I came home and Ross was not alone in his fish bowl. There were these awful, disgusting little shrimp things swimming around with him. I was so annoyed! If you know anything about Betas they typically cannot live with other fish because they kill them. I knew that my little Ross was especially aggressive with his reflection in mirrors, so I knew that he would end up killing and eating them. Long story short, my roomies didn't believe me, but in the end that's exactly what happened. It took a while, but it's now funny!

Other memories include my 24th birthday at BJ's, the picture we drew and hung on our door and added to throughout the semester, Heather falling for Tim, the nicknames we all gave each other, the room meetings that always lasted way too long not because of trouble but because we were having such a good time, Heather and I studying together for Blythe classes, the laughter, Faith singing the same made up song over and over for weeks, Lindsey and Tae Bo, Jen doing a creepy face and chasing Heather around the room with a highlighter behind her back. The list could go on and on. We shared our hopes, dreams, fears, tears, failures, successes, prayer requests, praises, heartaches, and laughter, lots of laughter.

Personality-wise we couldn't have been more different. I have a hard time letting people in and opening up to them, but they just loved me and accepted me so easily that I couldn't help loving them back. By the time the year was over, we were almost as close as sisters.

While it's a lesson still in progress, it's good to remember the biggest lesson they taught me that year. It was my "extra" year. My 5th year at HBBC. My 6th year of college. The year I was supposed to already be done. It was the BEST year of college I had and that room was the best room. Yet, if I had planned my own life, I would have already graduated 2 years earlier. I can look back and see how His plan was magnificently better than my own.

I am so thankful that God's plans are not our plans!

What a Girl Wants or Rather Doesn't Want

Being single and 26 I can totally understand that navigating the whole singles "scene" can be difficult. That being said I would tend to think some things should just be a no-brainer, but apparently they aren't.

The other night I was working at my part-time retail job where I sell eyeglasses. We had gotten really busy and there were only two of us left working the retail floor. At one point there were about 4 sets of people waiting. I finally worked my way to the last guy waiting for help.

First off let me say, while I was working with the other customers I could hear this guy arguing with someone on the phone. It sounded like a girl from the tone of the argument and the groveling that he was doing. Secondly, he looked like a greasy, nasty kind of guy, the kind that makes you want to "hide your kids, hide your wives."

I sat down to help him; he wanted his glasses adjusted. But the first thing he expressed was concern that I didn't know what I was doing. He wanted my male co-worker (who was still busy with other customers) to come help him. I assured him that my five and a half years of experience left me fully qualified to help him. My co-worker could hear him giving me a slightly hard time and came over to assure him that I was able to help him. He even told him that I could probably even help him better since I had about 4 years more experience at making adjustments.

At some point in this conversation the creeper tells my co-worker that "besides that, she's hot." In my mind I was thinking, "Did he just say that out loud where I could obviously hear him?"  My co-worker walked off and while I was working on his glasses, he proceeded to inform me personally that I was hot.

In the following few minutes while I was hurriedly trying to fix Mr. Creepy's glasses so he could get out of the store, he asked me if I was married, if I had a boyfriend, and then told me that "he couldn't imagine why not because I was hot and seemed like a cool girl." Then while I am trying to convince him that I am done and the glasses fit perfectly, he starts to brag about his job and tries to name-drop celebrities that I had never heard of.

Just in case this pitiable guy's mistakes weren't glaringly obvious, I will point them out. 1) Arguing/groveling with a girl on the phone should not be done in public. It is also not the best way to start anything with anyone who can hear you. All it tells me is that you must do things to get in trouble in your current relationship, which doesn't impress me at all. It also tells me that you are probably a cheater. "Oh yes, sign me up for that! Just what I always hoped for in a guy!"

2) Personal hygiene is important!! If you want a girl to find you attractive and pleasant please look like you bathe at least once in a while. Daily would be ideal! Greasy, slicked back, used-car-salesman hair that looks like it hasn't seen shampoo for a week is not the way to impress us.

3) Doubting my abilities or knowledge simply because I am female is a good way to make me extremely annoyed with you not interested in you. Maybe try to determine if I am capable based on my abilities rather than my gender.

4) The word "hot" has less than desirable connotations to a good girl. There are many, many other words you can use to express appreciation for how a girl looks that don't leave her feeling like she is dirty and in need of a shower. Might I suggest cute, nice, pretty, beautiful, etc. Also the tone speaks volumes! The same words can come across gross or complimentary depending on how respectful your tone of voice is.

5) Bragging and name-dropping just plain don't impress us! When a guy brags it makes me wonder what he is trying to cover up. It makes him seem small and insignificant because he needs to brag to make himself appear bigger and more important. If you really are cool, girls will be able to figure it on their own. Being passionate about what you do is far more impressive than bragging about how important you are because of what you do.

6) Smooth talking and flattery are insincere. They make me distrust you because I feel like you aren't an honest person. Girls in general know how they look. Overkill and flattery just make girls wonder what a guy wants and "how foolish and gullible does he think I am?" Please be honest and sincere; honesty goes a lot further at being flattering!

Girls, you do not want a guy who does these things. Guys, please don't be like this guy! It doesn't impress us; it just disgusts us.

Songs on a Sunday - National Anthem

Today being the 10th anniversary of the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks I thought it fitting that the song for today be our National Anthem. After all, one of the most immediate effects they had was a unity and patriotism that was sadly far too short lived.

Many of us know the words to the first verse (and many celebrity singers apparently don't even know those) but the words to the rest of the song are possibly even more moving than the first verse.

National Anthem

Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watch'd, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen thro' the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner: O, long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O, thus be it ever when freemen shall stand,
Between their lov'd homes and the war's desolation;
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserv'd us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust"
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

A Lot to Learn from LIFE

While on vacation a couple of weeks ago.  Oops. While on vacation a month ago, (Wow, has it been that long already?) I had a chance to play a game that I hadn't played in years. It was the game of LIFE. While playing, I discovered that there were differences between LIFE today and the LIFE I used to play with my sister when we were kids. I even joked around and began comparing it to real life. Then it actually got me thinking... The following is what I have learned about life from LIFE:

The Fantasies of LIFE

• Everyone gets married and there's no divorce.
• Everyone buys a house.
• A family only owns one car (Which you never had to pay for, doesn't require repairs or maintenance, and it lasts you your whole life).
• A car full of kids is quiet.
• Your friends and family can afford to shower you with thousands of dollars at your wedding and each time you have children. (And if not, then they will go into debt to do so.)
• You only have unexpected expenses if you land on the wrong tile.
• Everyone makes it through life to retirement.
• There's no bankruptcy.
• The bank is an endless supply of money; you never run out.
• Buying a house is as simple as picking out the one you like.
• Selling a house is as simple as handing the deed to the bank and receiving your money back.
• Houses always sell for the same or more than you originally paid for them, never at a loss.
• All of your debt is automatically paid off at retirement.
• Having the most money means you win.
• You have a choice about whether or not to play.

The Facts of LIFE

• Life is more expensive that it used to be. (I don't think this will garner any arguments. If it does, just kindly drive to the nearest gas station and attempt to fill up your tank for $15 as you may have done when I was a child.)
• Life is longer than it used to be. 
• Life is more complicated that it used to be. (Career and salary on the same card. There were fewer stops. You only bought one home. There weren't pay raises, etc.)
• College is crazy expensive, typically leaves you with a huge debt, does not guarantee that you make more money, and doesn't guarantee that you will even have or keep a career in your chosen field.
• You don't always get what you want out of life. (The career or salary you wanted may already be chosen. You could get fired. You might end up childless when you wanted to fill your car with those little pink and blue pegs.)
• Life without God is truly an empty game of chance depending entirely on the chance of the spin or the luck of the draw.
• Life without God becomes a singular quest to end up with the most money.
• Life experiences are valuable.
• Life is really a bunch of small steps and choices that determine how you end up at the end.
• In life, you have to pay attention or you just might miss out. (Who hasn't lost money because they didn't notice someone spun their number?)
• Some people speed through life, but then they reach the end before everyone else.
• Finishing life in first place doesn't mean you win.
• Children are expensive but you will wish you had more when you retire.
• Life is most enjoyable when you go through it with close friends and family. In fact...
• Life wouldn't be much fun if you go through it alone. In fact...
• Life without others just plain doesn't work.
• Oh, and last but not least...

the banker still has the coolest job. =D

 Got any of your own thoughts on LIFE? Please share!

Songs on a Sunday - The Love of God

This has long been one of my favorite hymns. While the whole song is special, the third verse is my favorite. It apparently inspired Fred­er­ick Leh­man to write the rest of the song. He says of the third verse, "Since the lines had been found pen­ciled on the wall of a pa­tient’s room in an in­sane asy­lum af­ter he had been car­ried to his grave, the gen­er­al opin­ion was that this in­mate had writ­ten the epic in mo­ments of san­ity." It was discovered to be an adaptation of a portion of the Jewish poem Had­da­mut, writ­ten in Ara­ma­ic in 1050 by Meir Ben Isaac Ne­hor­ai, a can­tor in Worms, Ger­ma­ny.

The adapted portion from Haddamut reads as follows:

Were the sky of parchment made,
A quill each reed, each twig and blade,
Could we with ink the oceans fill,
Were every man a scribe of skill,
The marvelous story
Of God’s great glory
Would still remain untold;
For He, most high
The earth and sky

Created alone of old.

The Love of God

Verse 1

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

Refrain

O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Verse 2

When years of time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Refrain

Verse 3

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky. 

 

Refrain

One Bad Week - Tales from TN Part 3

NOTE: If you have not already read "Welcome to TN - Tales from TN Part 1" and "Life Happens All at Once - Tales from TN Part 2", then this post will not make much sense.

Being locked out of my car and apartment on Tuesday night was not how I had planned to spend my evening. It was really an eerie feeling to be locked out from where it was safe and to have no one that I knew to turn to for help. But I was determined to learn from it and move on. Once I got inside I called my mom and told her all about it. We even laughed about it, because it was over. One bad day does not make a bad week.

Wednesday

The next day I was driving to the church I had been visiting. There were a couple of different ways to get there and I was still trying to figure out which one was faster. I noticed a police car behind me so I naturally checked my speed. I was fine. He stayed behind me for about 2 more miles and exited when I exited. By then I was kind of wondering if he was following me. I knew for a fact that I had NOT been speeding so I was hoping he just happened to be headed the same direction. 

Wrong. I saw the lights start to flash. Since no one else was around I knew he wanted me to pull over even though I was clueless as to why. I pulled over but I was getting upset. I couldn't imagine why he was pulling me over! I had never been pulled over before and I knew I wasn't speeding and I didn't want to be late for church!

He stood behind my car for the longest five minutes of my life. And when he walked up and I rolled my window down he told me that I was free to go. He had been looking at my temporary tags and initially thought that they were expired. I guess in OK (where I bought the car) they wrote the tags with the purchase date and they were good for 30 days from that point. In TN, the practice was to write the date that the tags expire. So he thought they were out-of-date when really they were just out-of-state.

When he left and I was finishing my drive to church I was able to laugh, a strange relieved kind of laugh, but laughter none the less. It was upsetting but it was over and I enjoyed telling the church people about it that night.

Still two odd things in two days... I hoped that I was done with craziness for a while. But it was only Wednesday. The week was only half way through.

Thursday

Thursday morning I headed down the stairs to go to work. I turn the key and grrrrr...grrrrrr. Uh oh! My brand-new car won't start! Since my headlights don't turn off automatically, I thought that I must have left the headlights on all night and drained the battery down. I was pretty irritated with myself. But thankfully I had been planning on leaving early so I still had time to call a coworker and get a ride to work.

After work some guy coworkers who knew more about cars that I did came over to look at it. I was hoping it was just the battery had drained down. They were able to help me get it jumped and I drove it around for a while to try to give it time to recharge the battery some.

Although this problem was probably the least stressful and also easily fixed, it was especially annoying since I thought it was my entirely my own stupid fault. (This wasn't the last time the battery would die, but it was the first. Turned out that the battery was defective and I ended up getting it replaced a few weeks later.)

Friday

Nothing unusual happened that Friday. It was nice. After all of the crazy, frustrating, scary, and stressful things that had happened the last three days it was nice to get back to normal.

Saturday

I was off from LensCrafters so I decided to spend the morning relaxing and then make a grocery run. I even decided to try out a new grocery store rather than driving to the closest "nice" Wal-Mart. Everything was going well. Prices were great. I liked the store. I even got a phone call from my sister and was enjoying taking my time shopping and catching up with her.

Eventually I paid for everything and headed out to my car. As I was walking up, I thought that something looked funny about my car. "Why does it look different?" I suddenly realized it was because my temporary tags were missing! They were just gone! Stolen! After the week I had, this was the last straw! (When a co-worker's tags were stolen the same day my temp tag expired a week later, we figured that it was stolen in the parking lot at work, on the Friday that I thought nothing bad had happened.)

I was furious! And scared. I drove home very carefully praying the whole time that I wouldn't get pulled over a second time in one week. I remember clenching my teeth and straining to hold back the tears that threatened to blind me while I was driving. I brokenly told the Lord that I felt that I had reached my limit for one week and begged Him to show me mercy by not letting me be pulled over. 

I made it home undisturbed. My peaceful, relaxed Saturday was spent with me filing a police report and trying to get the dealership in OKC to overnight me new temp tags (which never came). Thankfully I had already planned on taking it to get it registered Monday morning. So I only had Sunday that I couldn't legally drive it.

My God was and is ever gracious. He knew my limits better than I did and had no plans to allow me to face more than I could handle. He was trying to grow me (not crush me) and wanted teach me to rely on His strength. Through it all He was teaching me to turn to Him first, to make prayer my immediate response to a trial.

Sometimes He has to strip away all outside help to force us to look to Him for help. Sometimes He has to pile on frustration after frustration to wear out our own strength so that we realize we need His. Sometimes He has to let things become scary so that we realize He is our protection.

I learned a lot during that week. Most of it is pretty funny to me now. But because of the things I learned and the ways it grew me, I wouldn't change a thing.

Life Happens All at Once - Tales from TN Part 2

Note: If you have not yet read "Welcome to TN - Tales from TN Part 1" I suggest that you go back and read it first...

So, I have a little piece of advice - don't buy your first car, graduate from college, "move" home for two weeks, find an apartment sight-unseen, move cross-country to a city where you know no one, and start a new job all within a month! Trying to sort out the registration, TT & L, and insurance for a new car while involving three different states is not the simplest thing in the world to do. Picking an apartment from several states away is not easy either, especially when you have a limited window of time to move in and no backup plan if the one you choose turns out to be awful. Life was rather complicated doing all of those things at one time but somehow with lots of prayer, good advice, a few panicked moments, some faith, and some more prayer that's exactly what I had done.

(Yes, panicked moments. I know, I know. I can hear the scoffing and see self-righteous raised eyebrows. How 'bout you try not to panic when the apartment you are sure God has led you to live in declines your application because you have no rental history. I dare you! Then tell me you don't feel the sweet relief that comes when they call back 15 minutes later to say that their policy had recently changed to allow new graduates to waive that requirement.)

My first couple of weeks flew by in a little bit of a happy blur. I know I worked on unpacking and getting settled into my apartment. I had two first days in one when I started working at my new editing job and the eyeglass store where I had transferred from OK.  I also continued to visit the church that I had found my first Sunday night in Nashville. And Andrea was there for most of the first week sight-seeing, helping me unpack, and just being company after my mom went home.

Isn't it strange how it seems life happens all at once? One day you are confidently cruising along on the still, calm sea of life and then whoosh - a storm arrives and everything happens all at once. The wind is howling and kicking up waves that crash wildly against the sides of the rocking boat. Flashes of lightening nearly blind you and the thunder is deafening. That's pretty much what happened to me my third week.

Tuesday

I had to stay about 30 minutes late for a training session. When I got home, I thought about how my dad had told me to check the oil every couple of times I filled up my car. I realized I hadn't checked it recently and decided to just check it "real quick" right then. I left the car door open and all of my stuff in the front seat so my hands were free. While I was checking the oil, a neighbor drives up and I realized I was blocking the parking space next to me with my open car door. So I closed it.

As soon as I did, I felt a sick, sinking feeling in my stomach. I had found myself locking my door while I opened it. I didn't even realize when I was doing it. Had I locked it? Yes, I had. My keys were sitting right there on the front seat in plain sight. I thought, "That's OK, I have a spare in the apartment... which is locked. And the keys to my apartment are in my car... which is locked."

I ran over to the apartment office as fast as I could in my fancy suit jacket and heels to get them to unlock my apartment. However, due to the fact that this was the ONE night I would ever need to stay late, I got there 15 minutes after they had closed for the night. On to plan B.

I had roadside assistance that came with the warranties on my car. I thought, "I will just call ...no one." My cell phone was in the car next to the keys. So Plan C became to find a phone to call my mom (because she was the only person whose number I had memorized) to get her to look up the number for the roadside assistance. I knew about 5 or 6 of my coworkers lived in the same apartments. I thought maybe I could remember one of their apartment numbers. After nearly an hour of trudging around on what turned out to be the hottest day of the whole summer and after knocking on three wrong doors, plan D became to beg my own neighbors for the use of their phone.

By this point my pleas to God for help were becoming more desperate, but He heard me and was gracious. I found a neighbor who was home and didn't look like the murderous type. She let me use her phone and even sit inside in the air conditioning to wait for help to arrive. It took an hour and a half for the guy to get there but only two minutes to get into my car. I was quite relieved that the ordeal was over.

It was over for the night but not for the week. The week was just getting started.

Songs on a Sunday - What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Today's song is very appropriate for me today because I have been thinking a lot lately about what makes a good friend, how to be a good friend, why we need friends, and why friends come and go in our lives. Little thoughts about friendship have even been mentioned in passing in many of the messages I have heard lately. The whole subject of friendship is something I would like to tackle one day, but for today this song expresses what is on my heart. I know that these old hymns may be "old hat" to many of us, but really read the words. It's easy to skim over them because they are so familiar, but truly they contain such precious truths!

"What a Friend We Have in Jesus" was written by Joseph M. Scriven in 1855 although it was published anonymously for nearly 30 years. The original version apparently contained a fourth verse that I had never heard before but have included here.

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

 

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

Welcome to TN - Tales from TN Part 1

Have you ever had something happen that at the time made you so frustrated that you wanted to cry, pull your hair out, scream, stay in bed for a day or two, or maybe "run home to Mommy," but then later all you can do is laugh about it all? For me, that was my entire first month in Nashville, TN.

I moved to Nashville after graduating from college because I had been hired by a curriculum company to work as an editor/proofreader. I had only visited one time for my interview and even then I spent less than 24 hours in Nashville. So needless to say, it was all brand new to me! And it didn't take long for trouble to find me... A little less than 12 hours to be exact.

I arrived in Nashville in my new little white 2 door hatchback Hyundai Accent that my sister had lovingly dubbed "Lily." I had managed to purchase it, my very first vehicle, during the last two weeks before I graduated, so I had only owned it about a month.

Arriving with me in Nashville was my friend Andrea, who had taken her vacation time to help me move and enjoy some time away from OKC. My mom and her friend Nelda had also come with me and had driven the U-haul. We located and stayed the night in the hotel. So far, so good. Everything was going smoothly.

The next morning we all decided to test my new GPS (the best birthday/graduation gift ever and definitely a lifesaver for this directionally challenged girl in a brand new city) and find a coffee shop so we could get some coffee and breakfast.

First location: non-existent. No big deal. The next one was only a mile away... It ended up taking me into the heart of downtown Nashville which is full of hills, one-way streets, seemingly countless stoplights, tons of traffic, and zero parking spaces. I managed to find the coffee shop, but I did not manage to find a parking space. So there I was, my GPS going full-blast saying "recalculating" with three people making suggestions about where to go to try to find parking close by. I stopped at yet another red light.

I checked my rearview mirror only to see to my horror that the car behind me is getting closer and closer. I cannot pull forward any further because I have a car in front of me. I only have enough time to say, "Uh oh" while my racing thoughts screamed, "Please stop. Please stop. PLEASE stop." It didn't. I had been rear-ended. In my brand new Lily! On my first day in town!

The offenders were nice out-of-towners who were also trying to navigate the labyrinth they call downtown Nashville. Sadly, they were paying more attention to the street signs than their brake pedal. Their car had only been creeping along and it was also white like my little Lily so thankfully there was no discernible damage.

I was not discouraged. I knew that I was exactly where God wanted me. I was finally finished with college, moving to a new and exciting city, starting a new and exciting job, getting my very first apartment, driving my new first car... Life was all about the new, the different, and the exciting. Perhaps with such a welcome, I should have been a little more prepared for the insanity that would follow during my first month. But at that point, I was still blissfully unaware of all that was in store.

Songs on a Sunday - He Leadeth Me

With all of the focus lately in the preaching at church, my own thoughts, and even here on my blog I thought that this song was especially appropriate. When you think about it, it is one of the most comforting songs.

I found Joseph Gilmore's (the author) own description of how he came to write this song. I always think a song means more to me when I know the background so I am going to share it here. 

As a young man who re­cent­ly had been grad­u­at­ed from Brown Un­i­ver­si­ty and New­ton The­o­lo­gic­al In­sti­tu­tion, I was sup­ply­ing for a cou­ple of Sun­days the pul­pit of the First Bap­tist Church in Phil­a­del­phia [Penn­syl­van­ia]. At the mid-week ser­vice, on the 26th of March, 1862, I set out to give the peo­ple an ex­po­si­tion of the Twen­ty-third Psalm, which I had giv­en be­fore on three or four oc­ca­sions, but this time I did not get fur­ther than the words “He Lead­eth Me.” Those words took hold of me as they had ne­ver done be­fore, and I saw them in a sig­ni­fi­cance and won­drous beau­ty of which I had ne­ver dreamed.

It was the dark­est hour of the Ci­vil War. I did not re­fer to that fact—that is, I don’t think I did—but it may sub­con­sciou­sly have led me to real­ize that God’s lead­er­ship is the one sig­nif­i­cant fact in hu­man ex­per­i­ence, that it makes no dif­fer­ence how we are led, or whi­ther we are led, so long as we are sure God is lead­ing us.

At the close of the meet­ing a few of us in the par­lor of my host, good Dea­con Watt­son, kept on talk­ing about the thought which I had em­pha­sized; and then and there, on a blank page of the brief from which I had in­tend­ed to speak, I pen­ciled the hymn, talk­ing and writ­ing at the same time, then hand­ed it to my wife and thought no more about it. She sent it to The Watch­man and Re­flect­or, a pa­per pub­lished in Bos­ton, where it was first print­ed. I did not know un­til 1865 that my hymn had been set to mu­sic by Will­iam B. Brad­bu­ry. I went to Ro­ches­ter [New York] to preach as a can­di­date be­fore the Se­cond Bap­tist Church. Go­ing in­to their cha­pel on ar­riv­al in the ci­ty, I picked up a hymn­al to see what they were sing­ing, and opened it at my own hymn, “He Lead­eth Me.”

He Leadeth Me

Verse 1

He leadeth me, O blessèd thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.

Refrain

He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful follower I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me.

Verse 2

Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
By waters still, over troubled sea,
Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.

Refrain

 Verse 3

Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.

Refrain

Verse 4

And when my task on earth is done,
When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
Since God through Jordan leadeth me.

Refrain

Whose Plan is It Anyway? Part 2

My recent post "Whose Plan is it Anyway?" received the following comment from one of my best friends and fellow blog author Jason (check out his blog at www.jasonwarrenemly.blogspot.com):

"Good thoughts on God's will. To add a little bit, one other idea I have heard repeatedly on God's will is you should be afraid of missing God's will, not afraid OF God's will."

I wanted to respond to this comment like I usually do, but I kept having conflicting thoughts. This thought is something that I have heard many times before as well, even preached from the pulpit. But I wasn't really sure what I thought about it. You see, I have also been told by my childhood pastor that I shouldn't fear missing God's will; that He would show it to me in due time.

I have spent time since I read this comment trying to decide what I thought. And I believe that I have sorted through my thoughts on the matter.

1. You should not be afraid of God's will. 

This statement I agree with wholeheartedly and without any reservation. While there will be hard times in my life (just as there are in everyone's life), I do not need to fear God's will. He is a good and loving Father. There will be pain, trials, hard times, etc (Remember Job?) but He only has my best in mind and will ultimately bless my obedience (Remember how Job ended?). Also see Romans 8:28, James 1:17, and Matthew 7:11.

2. You should be afraid of missing God's will.

I agree that as Christians who acknowledge that God has a specific path, plan, way, or will for our lives, it is only natural that we would be concerned with following it. There are many tragic examples in the Bible of those who did not follow God's plan and the consequences they suffered because of it. (Think of Jonah, Samson, King David, Adam & Eve, and the list could go on and on...)

We should be continually seeking God's will. We should be living in constant obedience in what we already know to be God's will. The thought of "going astray" should concern and grieve us. We should fear the consequences of missing out on what God has in store.

Such Godly concern for not straying from God's will is well expressed in verse 4 of the song, "Come Thou Fount."

"O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."

3. You should not fear missing God's will.

I also agree with this statement. I know you are thinking, "Wait, what?! You just said..." I know that at first glance I may sound like I am contradicting myself, but allow me to explain. I believe that if you are living in constant obedience and daily following God's known will for your life, then He will continue to show it to you step by step, day by day.

I know that there have been times in my life that I was weaker in my faith. I didn't trust God's goodness as I should have. I was picturing God as a stern, harsh, taskmaster who enjoyed watching me scramble around trying to figure out what pleased Him. I knew He expected me to follow His will, but I also thought He expected me to figure it out on my own. I thought that He would only reveal it to me if I begged enough or was desperate enough. I thought that me finding God's will was dependent on me. Basically it boiled down to the fact that I was afraid of missing His will because I was afraid He wasn't good enough to show it to me.

I needed to adjust my thinking of God. In reality, He is a loving Father. God is good! God is loving! He may need to discipline His children but He takes no pleasure in our confusion. Anxiety and worry are sins; sin can never please Him. He doesn't sadistically enjoy seeing us scramble around trying to figure out what will please Him. He is not waiting and hoping for us to fail so He can pounce on us and accuse us. He's not going to play "hide and seek" or make His plans obscure and difficult to interpret.

When my childhood pastor told me not to fear missing God's will, he was trying to remind me of God's goodness. Yes, God does want us to seek Him. And yes, there may even be times when He doesn't reveal everything to us right away. But ultimately He will show us what He wants.

He always has a reason when He chooses to delay revealing His plans. Perhaps we need to learn patience first, or maybe He is checking to see how serious we are. He might simply be testing our motives. I think sometimes He just wants us trust enough to relax and peacefully wait for Him to reveal His will in His way and in His time. He may want us to learn to just "be still." (Psalms 46:10)

So in conclusion I would say, "Be afraid of missing out on God's will; do not be afraid OF God's will. But never fear, He will show you His will in due time."

Someday

All of my writing takes a certain amount of courage to share publicly because it's personal. There's a little bit of me in everything I write and that always makes me a little nervous about how it will be received. 

I believe that poetry is a socially acceptable way to express a person's deepest emotions. It's a way to express things that you don't know how to say any other way. The emotional expression is exactly why my poetry is even more personal to me than just regular writing. It holds even more of my heart, even more of me. 

As a warning, I haven't had any training in writing poetry. I honestly don't know if anyone lacking family bias will find it to be "good." These are all reasons why I have never openly shared my poetry before. 

I believe this hopeful poem could be an expression of what's inside the hearts of many single girls who are hoping and dreaming about their "Someday."

 

Someday

8/28/10

Someday I will meet someone whose heart with mine will beat.

To him I will be so special that I was worth the wait to meet.

Individually we may have felt alone, but together we'll feel complete.

Someday I will meet someone who has given God his heart.

Time alone with God each day will only be the start,

For he will know that in his life God must play a vital part.

Someday I will meet someone who has the strength to lead.

But he'll combine his strength with love and be caring in his deeds;

Mere control of me will be the last thing that he needs.

Someday I will meet someone with an awesome sense of humor.

He will laugh and joke and smile, but not at the expense of others.

He will be compassionate and kind, ever a man of honor.

Someday I will meet someone who sees past my outside veneer.

He will see my hidden beauty that no one else has noticed there.

My vulnerabilities he'll understand and he'll handle them with care.

Someday I will meet someone who I know will not be perfect.

After all, we are each born with a sinful birth defect.

Forgiveness must be the policy we both strive to effect.

Someday I will meet someone who will make me stop and ponder.

“How could God be so good to me?” I will surely have to wonder.

'Til then I suppose that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Songs on a Sunday - God's Been Good

This song is relatively new to me. I think I heard it first about 2 years ago. Parts I can relate to wholeheartedly. It touches the raw places where only God can see. Other parts I look forward to understanding someday. Overall, it's just one of those songs that speaks to me and its beauty gives me "goosebumps." Hope that it's a blessing to you too!

 

God's Been Good

 

Verse 1

Lately I've been looking back, along this winding road
To the old familiar markers of the mercies I have known.
I know it may sound simple, but it's more than a cliche.
There's no better way to tell you, than to say...

Chorus
God's been good, in my life.
I feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams 

when I go to sleep each night.
And though I've had my share of hard times, 

I wouldn't change them if I could.
'Cause through it all, God's been good.

Verse 2
Times replay and I can see that I've cried some bitter tears.
But I've felt His arms around me, as I faced my greatest fears.
You see I've had more gains than losses and I've known more joy than hurt.
As His grace rolled down upon me undeserved...
 

Chorus

God's been good, in my life.
I feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams 

when I go to sleep each night.
And though I've had my share of hard times, 

I wouldn't change them if I could.
'Cause through it all, God's been good.

 
Verse 3
For God has been my Father, my Savior and my Friend.
His love was my beginning, and His love will be my end.
I could spend forever trying to tell you everything He is,
But the best way I can say it is this...

Chorus

 God's been good, in my life.
I feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams 

when I go to sleep each night.
And though I've had my share of hard times, 

I wouldn't change them if I could.
'Cause through it all, God's been good.

And she went dumpster-diving...

OK, when I welcomed you all to read my blog (See the post called, "Welcome to my world") I said that there were guaranteed to be funny stories. Well hold on to your hats, because I am keeping that promise!

Life in general does seem to hold a certain amount of humor. We may not always see it at the time, but it's there. My life seems to hold a little more than most, or maybe I just see it and laugh at myself more than most people do. Either way, I have had plenty of funny and ridiculous things happen to me. Let me tell you what happened today...

I got off work and came straight home. It's been a crazy week and I had been looking forward to the end of the workday since about 3:00. (Well, probably earlier than that, but that is when I acknowledged it openly...) Between the nasty summer cold that left me sounding like a man, my first week in an entirely new department with entirely new people and duties, my sister getting back into town, and my roommate for the past year getting ready to move out I was ready to get home and pack for vacation!

In preparation for the trip I hope to make tomorrow with my favorite (and only) sister, I grabbed some trash out of the passenger seat. I planned on tossing it in the dumpster which is conveniently located on the way from my car to my apartment. I have done this many, many times. I reach the dumpster, toss in the trash, watch it fall to the bottom of the mostly empty dumpster. And at the same time I was horrified to hear the jingle of my work keys as they fell along with the trash into the gigantic dumpster and then watched as they gently sank beneath the small layer of trash that was in the very bottom.

Thoughts were rapidly dashing through my head. Such as, "Those were my work keys. They just fell in a dumpster. I have to get them out. I cannot reach or even see them. I have to get them out. I wonder how hard it would be for my work to replace... Yeah, no, I have to get them out. But they are in a dumpster. Oh man! How am I even gonna get in there? I have to get them out. Oh stink!" Literally.

I quickly realize that I am too short to get into the dumpster, even from the side door, by myself. So I run upstairs and find my sister in my room. I explain to her what just happened and ask for her help. She is, of course, laughing. I change into something more suitable to dumpster diving than my work clothes and we head down to assess the situation.

We decide that since the keys were not visible and it was too far down to reach them with a hanger, that if I had a chair I could climb in through the sliding side door. So we grab one of my folding chairs and lug it down the stairs to the dumpster. I set the chair up and climbed into the side door.

As I am about to climb in I see my admittedly germophobic roommate arrive for one last load of stuff. I hurriedly explain what on earth possessed me to get into the dumpster as she gets one last horrified look at me while I climb in.

Once up there, I had a new problem to face. I hadn't realized how very far down the bottom floor of the dumpster still was! So now, I am perched precariously on the opening while my sister is watching and laughing hysterically at me through the opening directly across me on the other side. And I don't even know how many people were staring at me as they drove by.

I finally decided that I am just going to have to jump the rest of the way down onto the bags that are lining the very bottom. I do. Squish. As my feet are sinking into the bags of garbage, I reach down and start to look for my keys. Thankfully I had seen the general area where they had landed and was able to recover them quickly without frantically scrambling through mountains of trash.

Then I realized I couldn't get out. My helpful and loving sister, who is still laughing at me and telling me to just be grateful she wasn't filming this and posting it on Facebook or Youtube, kindly hands me the folding chair so I can use it to climb back out. Then it was all over... other than recovering my chair, going back up stairs, burning the clothes and shoes I wore (ok, a slight exaggeration), and scrubbing myself as well as the keys and the chair down thoroughly with soap and/or strong cleaners.

It was one of the grossest things I have ever done! But it was also pretty funny! And I was truly grateful that the dumpster wasn't full! Not sure WHAT I would have done then! Anyone else have any such stories to tell??? If so, please share!