Being a single girl whose greatest dream was to get married and be a wife and mom, when I hear things that express the beauty in relationships, it can make me just a little jealous... OK a LOT jealous... that God hasn't given me any such person yet. I would imagine that I am NOT even close to being alone in that.
So when I faced my Lord with jealousy in my heart about the state of my singleness, He reminded me of something. "Every good and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights..." ~ James 1:17. He reminded me that singleness is a GIFT!
We sometimes look at it like we would a gift opened at Christmas from some obscure relative that doesn't know us very well who gave us something we KNOW we will never use. But God intends it to be received better than that. For most people, the single parts of our lives are temporary; most people do get married at some point. Until that happens, God wants us to enjoy and use the gift of singleness. We shouldn't secretly grimace, say a very fake "thanks" and rush back to the store to try to exchange it for a better gift. It's the gift that God Himself has chosen to give to us for right now.
Whenever something happens to make me jealous, like hearing a song that makes me lonely, seeing another couple form in my circle of friends, or watching another young married couple years younger than me have a precious little baby, I have to apologize to my Lord. I have to ask forgiveness for not appreciating the gift He has given ME. Then I try to count the ways that His gift to me is wonderful in my own life. And believe me there are many when you start to look for them!
Many of the reasons to be thankful for this gift are too personal to share or they wouldn't mean anything to anyone else, but I know and thank the Lord for them. I can share a few though. For example...
- I am thankful that my finances are not complicated by another person. I know what I make and what I spend. It's easy.
- I have complete freedom in setting my own schedule. I don't have to check with someone or consider someone else's feelings or schedule if something unexpected comes up.
- I only have my family to consider around the holidays. I don't have to worry about another person's family wanting to see them but living in different places than my family.
What about all of you? If you are single, can you think of a way that God's gift is a blessing? If you are married, can you think of a way that you took that gift for granted while you had it? Please share them with me!
For me the greatest blessing about being single is having the time, opportunity, and emotional energy to develop my relationship with God and to really devote myself to His service. I have the time and flexibility to be active in ways that ladies who are married and have children do not. I don't mean this in an arrogant or condescending way at all. It's absolutely good and right for a married woman to take care of her family, and that naturally is going to take up time. Paul wrote in I Cor 7:34 - "...The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband."
ReplyDeleteWhile singleness isn't a state of constant bliss, neither is marriage. It's hard work, and "such shall have trouble in the flesh." So I see it this way- there are blessings and struggles in both singleness and marriage. We may look and see the grass is greener on the other side of the fence... but in that case we really ought to be tending to our lawn. ;)
I enjoyed this post, Anne. Very honest and thought-provoking. And your unwanted gift illustration was nicely descriptive...I could just picture the secret grimace in my mind.
Thank you for sharing Anita! I 100% totally agree. Even though I didn't think to list it, being able to be more active in ministries is definitely something that I value in my singleness. There's simplicity in just having you and the Lord, only having one relationship to foster, only having One Person to please.
ReplyDeleteI also very much agree that there are blessing and struggles in both marriage and singleness. Like most single girls (and maybe single guys too), there are times that I find myself focusing solely on the struggles while totally ignoring the blessings. It's a skewed viewpoint. I like the lawn tending analogy! It's just right on!
Glad you enjoyed it! =)
Thank you for this post, Anne. It was very timely for me and extremely accurate to feelings I often experience when I allow myself to envy what others already have. One thing I would add is this... Having been in a relationship or two, I have experienced the difficulty that comes in depending on and following a man's leadership. While God's design is that the woman would submit to her husband, it can be extremely difficult to humble oneself to the position of submitting to another's plans or leadership. While single, like you said, a woman follows the Lord's leadership alone. She answers solely and directly to Him. In relationships, specifically in marriage, a woman often receives God's leading through her husband. As one can imagine, it's easier to submit to a God who is never wrong than it is to a man who may or may not see things exactly the way that you do.
ReplyDeleteMallory, I am glad that it was a blessing to you!
ReplyDeleteI have not yet been in that position, but I definitely agree that is something that would take a great deal of faith to do, both in God and your man. God can never lead you wrong, because He CAN'T. But even the most Godly husband is still quite capable of making mistakes.
Thanks for taking the time to share another benefit of God's gift of singleness. I think the more we can focus on our blessings, the less time we will spend be devoured by our own envy. =)