Lies! Lies! They're All LIES!

When you are still single in your twenties or thirties, there are certain struggles that just come naturally with the territory. Satan has a few lies he likes to hold in reserve just  for single people. They play on our emotions, desires, insecurities, and impatience making them that much harder to recognize as lies.

 Here are a few good ones that I have caught him throwing my way.

• If you are an obedient Christian and all-around good person and want to be married, then you deserve to be married! God must not love you if you are still single. He's holding out on you, saving His best for those He loves best. You need to try harder, be more perfect in order to earn the blessing of His love before you can get married.

• You are still single and everyone knows that everyone should be married. You must be out of God's will. Or I guess, there's just something really wrong with you. You must not be worth a whole lot since nobody wants you.

• It's better to settle for anyone who pays attention to you than to stay single forever. Because if a no-good kinda guy is the only kind that pays attention, then that must be all you are worth. Why waste your time waiting for someone who will only be too good for you anyway? Settle. Settle Now.

• All single people are miserable, lonely, and want nothing more than to get married. All married people are happy, content, and love their lives. If you want to be happy, then getting married is the key to your happiness.

• If you are still single, it's your own fault. If you really wanted to be married you could have been married years ago. Your standards are just way too high; you are just far too picky. So what if your core doctrinal beliefs aren't the same? So what if your lifestyles and standards are different? You will never find someone that is just right for you. You had better learn to compromise real quick or you will be doomed to be single forever.

• You are single and therefore can't really do anything important in God's sight. He saves all of the important tasks for the men or even the married ladies (because everyone knows a married lady is worth far more than a single one). So sorry you can't serve God yourself just as you are right now. Oh sure, you can do a few little things, but nothing really important, nothing that actually matters. You can take the leftover jobs that no one else wants to do. Single girls just can't really make a difference in this world. Guess you just have to give up those dreams and desires to serve God. You'll just have to sit around and wait to serve Him until you get married. That's just all the more reason to just go find yourself someone right away. Anyone will do.

I am sure that when you are just reading these lies they sound so obvious. They are clearly exaggerations, twisted truths, and bald-faced lies. You may wonder how anyone could actually fall for them. But I assure you, they can be quite convincing when they are being whispered to you in the midst of loneliness, personal insecurities, false views of God's love and goodness, and the all around societal pressure to never, ever be alone.

Even when you have found contentment and happiness in your single life (because after all, there are A LOT of great benefits and many wonderful advantages) those around you can "upset your apple cart" with just a casual comment here or a careless word there. The pressure to "find someone" is often just as hard to face in the well-meaning, caring people at church as it is in Hollywood, co-workers, or even your own family. (You would know this is true if you were ever on the receiving end of "and why are you still single?" or "how come you don't have a boyfriend?")

When that happens, just remember that the "truth will set you free." We must examine our thoughts and feelings to see if they are truth. We need to compare them with God's Word to see if they have merit. When we realize that a thought doesn't have Biblical truth in it, we must reject it as a lie no matter how "right" it feels.

Once we have replaced the hidden lies in our minds with truth, we need to change our focus as well. There are many, many good things that God has for single people. Make a list! Do it in your head. Write it down so you can review it. Add to it every time you discover another blessing that is unique to singles alone. Thank God for His many countless blessings that are already in your life. It's very hard (if not impossible) to be dissatisfied and thankful at the same time.

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Sometimes you don't even realize that you are believing a lie until someone else points it out. So, how about you? Are there lies that you have recognized and/or struggled with? Please share them! It can be encouraging to know that you are not alone and others face the same thoughts and fight the same battles.

It's a Gift... No, Really It Is!

The radio is usually playing at work and I heard a song the other day. It said, "God gave me you for the ups and downs. God gave me you for the days of doubt." Regardless of differing opinions on secular music, I think those lines express very eloquently what a marriage could and should be. To me, it's beautiful.

Being a single girl whose greatest dream was to get married and be a wife and mom, when I hear things that express the beauty in relationships, it can make me just a little jealous... OK a LOT jealous... that God hasn't given me any such person yet. I would imagine that I am NOT even close to being alone in that.

So when I faced my Lord with jealousy in my heart about the state of my singleness, He reminded me of something. "Every good and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights..." ~ James 1:17. He reminded me that singleness is a GIFT!

We sometimes look at it like we would a gift opened at Christmas from some obscure relative that doesn't know us very well who gave us something we KNOW we will never use. But God intends it to be received better than that. For most people, the single parts of our lives are temporary; most people do get married at some point. Until that happens, God wants us to enjoy and use the gift of singleness. We shouldn't secretly grimace, say a very fake "thanks" and rush back to the store to try to exchange it for a better gift. It's the gift that God Himself has chosen to give to us for right now.

Whenever something happens to make me jealous, like hearing a song that makes me lonely, seeing another couple form in my circle of friends, or watching another young married couple years younger than me have a precious little baby, I have to apologize to my Lord. I have to ask forgiveness for not appreciating the gift He has given ME. Then I try to count the ways that His gift to me is wonderful in my own life. And believe me there are many when you start to look for them!

Many of the reasons to be thankful for this gift are too personal to share or they wouldn't mean anything to anyone else, but I know and thank the Lord for them. I can share a few though. For example...

• I am thankful that my finances are not complicated by another person. I know what I make and what I spend. It's easy.
• I have complete freedom in setting my own schedule. I don't have to check with someone or consider someone else's feelings or schedule if something unexpected comes up.
• I only have my family to consider around the holidays. I don't have to worry about another person's family wanting to see them but living in different places than my family.

These are just a few and honestly, they are not anything that I wouldn't find worth giving up someday. But for now, I can enjoy them as being a part of God's gift to me for this season in my life.

What about all of you? If you are single, can you think of a way that God's gift is a blessing? If you are married, can you think of a way that you took that gift for granted while you had it? Please share them with me!

What a Girl Wants or Rather Doesn't Want

Being single and 26 I can totally understand that navigating the whole singles "scene" can be difficult. That being said I would tend to think some things should just be a no-brainer, but apparently they aren't.

The other night I was working at my part-time retail job where I sell eyeglasses. We had gotten really busy and there were only two of us left working the retail floor. At one point there were about 4 sets of people waiting. I finally worked my way to the last guy waiting for help.

First off let me say, while I was working with the other customers I could hear this guy arguing with someone on the phone. It sounded like a girl from the tone of the argument and the groveling that he was doing. Secondly, he looked like a greasy, nasty kind of guy, the kind that makes you want to "hide your kids, hide your wives."

I sat down to help him; he wanted his glasses adjusted. But the first thing he expressed was concern that I didn't know what I was doing. He wanted my male co-worker (who was still busy with other customers) to come help him. I assured him that my five and a half years of experience left me fully qualified to help him. My co-worker could hear him giving me a slightly hard time and came over to assure him that I was able to help him. He even told him that I could probably even help him better since I had about 4 years more experience at making adjustments.

At some point in this conversation the creeper tells my co-worker that "besides that, she's hot." In my mind I was thinking, "Did he just say that out loud where I could obviously hear him?"  My co-worker walked off and while I was working on his glasses, he proceeded to inform me personally that I was hot.

In the following few minutes while I was hurriedly trying to fix Mr. Creepy's glasses so he could get out of the store, he asked me if I was married, if I had a boyfriend, and then told me that "he couldn't imagine why not because I was hot and seemed like a cool girl." Then while I am trying to convince him that I am done and the glasses fit perfectly, he starts to brag about his job and tries to name-drop celebrities that I had never heard of.

Just in case this pitiable guy's mistakes weren't glaringly obvious, I will point them out. 1) Arguing/groveling with a girl on the phone should not be done in public. It is also not the best way to start anything with anyone who can hear you. All it tells me is that you must do things to get in trouble in your current relationship, which doesn't impress me at all. It also tells me that you are probably a cheater. "Oh yes, sign me up for that! Just what I always hoped for in a guy!"

2) Personal hygiene is important!! If you want a girl to find you attractive and pleasant please look like you bathe at least once in a while. Daily would be ideal! Greasy, slicked back, used-car-salesman hair that looks like it hasn't seen shampoo for a week is not the way to impress us.

3) Doubting my abilities or knowledge simply because I am female is a good way to make me extremely annoyed with you not interested in you. Maybe try to determine if I am capable based on my abilities rather than my gender.

4) The word "hot" has less than desirable connotations to a good girl. There are many, many other words you can use to express appreciation for how a girl looks that don't leave her feeling like she is dirty and in need of a shower. Might I suggest cute, nice, pretty, beautiful, etc. Also the tone speaks volumes! The same words can come across gross or complimentary depending on how respectful your tone of voice is.

5) Bragging and name-dropping just plain don't impress us! When a guy brags it makes me wonder what he is trying to cover up. It makes him seem small and insignificant because he needs to brag to make himself appear bigger and more important. If you really are cool, girls will be able to figure it on their own. Being passionate about what you do is far more impressive than bragging about how important you are because of what you do.

6) Smooth talking and flattery are insincere. They make me distrust you because I feel like you aren't an honest person. Girls in general know how they look. Overkill and flattery just make girls wonder what a guy wants and "how foolish and gullible does he think I am?" Please be honest and sincere; honesty goes a lot further at being flattering!

Girls, you do not want a guy who does these things. Guys, please don't be like this guy! It doesn't impress us; it just disgusts us.