Just Please Don't Look at Me Like That!

Growing up I was a generally good kid. I didn't cause a whole lot of trouble or really try to rebel more than one time (and of all the silly things, it was over not getting to pick up my new glasses from the store). But to my own shame, especially in my early teen years, I did have enough of my father the lawyer in me to argue quite a bit. I would get caught up in the argument and whether in the right or wrong would not hardly back down. Anger I could handle. A raised voice I could take unfazed; if anything it spurred me to continue on. Even if I inwardly acknowledged the truth of the other person's side, I would continue. As long as I had opposition I could keep it up.

There was only one thing that could break through to me and end my stubbornness - my parent's disappointment. The minute my mom or dad stopped fighting, looked me in the eye, and told me, "I am disappointed in you," all fight would drain out of me. Nothing could bring me to tears and repentance faster than those five words. They stung deep and hurt worse than any other punishment that my parents could dole out (although taking reading of any kind away for a couple days was also typically effective).

Tonight at church the visiting preacher took a different view of the Judgement Seat of Christ than I had ever heard before. He supposed that instead of the angry, scowling judge that we often picture our Lord being as He reviews our lives and judges all our failings and sins, that perhaps He would instead be a deeply sad, disappointed Father with hurt showing in His tear-filled eyes. Perhaps He will look at me as my parents did.

The very idea of eliciting my Lord and Heavenly Father's deep disappointment in my life's behavior is truly a sobering thought. The thought grieves me so that I can only express my thoughts in a portion of a song  -"I Just Want to Please the Lord." Above all else...

"I just want to please the Lord; 

be in His will in every way. 

Just to be lost in His presence, 

found in His likeness, 

to hear Him say, 'Well done,' 

someday."