Songs on a Sunday - Lean on Me

I chose this song this week because I have felt the way it describes many times. Maybe I am alone in this, although I rather doubt it. There have been times that I have looked around and wondered if anyone cared that my heart was breaking. There where days when I wondered if anyone understood how alone, miserable, or overwhelmed that I felt.

When I could manage to hide the pain from everyone, I would be relieved because I didn't want anyone to see it. But yet my very success also made me even more sad. I mean, shouldn't everyone have SOMEONE that is close enough to look past the facade and see the hidden tears? 

This song reminds me that I do have Someone, and so could everyone else as well. Even when your friends leave you feeling neglected, uncared for, or simply left out God is still there. Even when your family is too far away or too busy to notice, God still knows. Even when people unknowingly say exactly the wrong thing and it pierces your heart, God understands that anguish. Even when you have so much going on that you feel as though you are drowning, God is there to offer His hand to pull you up out of the stormy seas of life.

My prayer today is that this song will be a blessing and encouragement to all who read it, as it has been to me.

Lean on Me

When no one cared about me, if I should live or die,

When no one bothered asking, why I go alone and cry,

When burdens got so heavy that I could not face the day,

Then I'd feel His arms around me and hear Him gently say,

“Lean on Me when you have no strength to stand.

When you feel you're going under, hold tighter to My hand.

Lean on Me when your heart begins to bleed.

When you come to the place that I'm all you have – you'll find I'm all you need.”

When the road ahead looks rugged and the path is getting steep.

I feel that I can't make it and my heart begins to weep.

Then I turn to see who's comin' to join me in the way.

And I see that it's my Saviour and I hear Him gently say,

“Lean on Me when you have no strength to stand.

When you feel you're going under, hold tighter to My hand.

Lean on Me when your heart begins to bleed.

When you come to the place that I'm all you have – you'll find I'm all you need.”

And I Choose... to Be Grumpy!

Ever have one of those days when it just seems like nothing is going right? I had a great day today, but I have had those days. You know the kind... You wake up and realize that you turned your alarm off rather than hitting snooze so you now have 20 minutes to get ready and leave for work. You rush through a shower, throw on some clothes and shoes that you hope match. You hurriedly leave without makeup, breakfast, or having read your Bible. And the only prayer you have said was, "Lord help me to HURRY and by some miracle not be late!" Then you get stuck behind the one driver in the whole city who is not speeding but is instead going half the speed limit. You get to work feeling frazzled, hungry, and most of all annoyed. Then before you are even supposed to be open (the sign SAYS we open at 8:00 and it's only 7:45 people!), you have to deal with cranky customers that leave you wondering if half the population was born without half their brains and entirely without common sense.

Now if all that happened to you what do you think your attitude would be or has been? Well, it would be exactly whatever you make it. The cool (and at times annoying) thing about attitudes is that they are entirely your choice. I learned this as a teenager, although I would say it's really a lot like the motto of the game Othello - "Moments to learn and a lifetime to master."

We are all going to have "bad" days. The problem comes in when feel justified having a bad attitude and being grouchy, grumpy, snippy, crabby, or just short with people in general. We think, "Look at all that has gone wrong today. I have the RIGHT to be grouchy!"

I have found that when I find myself choosing a bad attitude over a good one, it's because I am looking at life wrong. I have a selfish mindset and am focusing on the negatives. You might be saying, "But I genuinely FEEL..." I understand. I know those feelings too. But if we can change the way we think, it will also change how we feel.

Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

If I change how I think about the morning that I described earlier, I can change how I feel about it. First off, I have to adjust my thoughts to what is true and honest. I don't know if you noticed, but there was some major exaggeration going on in my description of a horrible morning. "The ONE driver in the WHOLE city... HALF the speed limit." When I exaggerate, I paint a worse mental picture of the situation than it actually is! I should correct those thoughts and be realistic.

In this example, I can also check my thoughts for praise. For example, I could be thankful that God graciously woke me up when He did, rather than after I was already late. I could be thankful that I made it to work safely without breaking down, being pulled over, or being in an accident. I could be thankful that I can be a help to customers who definitely need help. I could also be thankful that the very customers who annoy me also provide me with job security. If I had all these thankful thoughts going through my head, how do you think I would feel? I might still feel rushed and maybe a little bit frazzled but I would also be much less frustrated and annoyed. I wouldn't feel snappy but grateful.

It might sound far too simple, but when I don't feel like letting go of my grumpies I need to start listing different things that I have to be thankful for or different blessings in my life. It helps to get my focus off of myself and back on God. After all when my focus is on myself, how could I help but end up depressed? My own selfishness, my own lack of perfection, and the disappointments of life being different than I want it to be would surely make me miserable.

When I shift the focus back on God though, what a difference! He is perfect! His plans for my life are perfect. In submitting to those plans, I can find peace and satisfaction. When I see the many countless blessings that He pours on me daily and even moment by moment, how can I feel anything less than joy, peace, and exaltation? Even now as I think about His blessings I find myself getting excited!

We truly have far too many blessings to choose to be grumpy!

You Just Might Save a Life

You hear the words “Donating blood.” What comes to mind? Perhaps “Ewwwww gross!” Or, “No way, not me. That involves needles. Needles + blood + pain = scary!” These are all legitimate thoughts. It is kinda gross if you think about it and for those scared of needles it can indeed be scary.

I have always been scared of needles. It goes back to my one of my earliest childhood memories - being in the ER and having several adults holding me down while I screamed and they poked me over and over and over. (They were trying to get an IV in me because I was very dehydrated, but I was two and all I understood was that it hurt.) Whenever I am faced with a shot or a needle of any kind, I still have to remind myself that, “It doesn't hurt that bad. It doesn't hurt that bad. It doesn't hurt that bad.” To this day, it still makes me uncomfortable and nervous.

So, why would it be worth it to donate? We all instantly think of people who have suffered a major trauma in a tragic accident. But they are not the only people who rely on other's generosity to survive. According to what I have read, people who are severely anemic, have blood clotting disorders, many who are fighting various cancers, or those who are undergoing a major surgery may also need transfusions. Many, many lives are saved or prolonged by blood donations.

Whole blood can only be donated every 56 days for those who are eligible. And not everyone is eligible. To donate you must answer an extensive list of health related questions, be in good general health, have the right amount of iron in your blood, etc. Many people do not qualify because of time spent out of country, medications that they take, being pregnant, or age and weight restrictions (you must be at least 17 and cannot weigh less than 110 pounds), etc. 

Maybe you wonder why I feel so passionate about something that scares me. Well, my Granddad died of leukemia when I was 12 or 13. He had many, many transfusions over the course of his treatments. They gave him more time with us and I will always be thankful for that.

So even though I don't enjoy it, I find that it is worth it to face my fears knowing that it could help saves someone's life. Or it could help prolong a life, giving someone's loved ones a little more time with the person they will soon have to learn to live without. And to be honest I think it falls a little bit under the “do unto others” part of the “Golden Rule.” I would want my loved one to have the blood necessary to survive...

The question to ask yourself (if you are eligible) is this: Is a little inconvenience, discomfort, and a teeny bit of pain worth the potential to save someone else's life? For me that answer could be nothing less than rolling up my sleeve, turning my head, squeezing that little stress reliever thing for all it's worth, and enduring the discomfort that is naturally a part of the process. But when I walk away with my arm wrapped, I can hold my head high knowing I faced my fears and that maybe, just maybe, I made a difference in someone else's life the way others made a difference in my Granddad's life.

Songs on a Sunday - Channels Only

Considering how much money the music industry generates every year, the love of music must be a fairly universal part of us humans. I love music personally. The way it flows, the rhythm, the way it can move you body, soul, and spirit... all of it combines into something special and unique.

I thought that I would set aside Sundays for posting and discussing my favorite songs.

The first song I have chosen is "Channels Only." It's an old but beautiful hymn that speaks deeply to me. Because of the way it rolls off of your tongue, I always want to sing it with a little bit of an Irish accent because it just seems to lend itself to the soft and lilting melody.

I had heard it before, but it became precious to me the summer I worked at the Bill Rice Ranch. It was the theme song for all of the devotions held for the girl workers that summer. Perhaps it  became so precious to me because it went so well with what God was teaching me that summer - that the smallest, insignificant, behind-the-scenes jobs are still serving Him when done for His glory to accomplish His work.

Channels Only

How I praise Thee, precious Savior, That Thy love laid hold of me;

Thou hast saved and cleansed and filled me That I might Thy channel be.

Refrain:

Channels only, blessèd Master,
But with all Thy wondrous power
Flowing through us, Thou canst use us
Every day and every hour.

Just a channel full of blessing, To the thirsty hearts around;
To tell out Thy full salvation All Thy loving message sound.

Refrain

Emptied that Thou shouldest fill me, A clean vessel in Thy hand;
With no power but as Thou givest Graciously with each command.

Refrain

Witnessing Thy power to save me, Setting free from self and sin;
Thou who boughtest to possess me, In Thy fullness, Lord, come in.

Refrain

Jesus, fill now with Thy Spirit Hearts that full surrender know;
That the streams of living water From our inner self may flow.

Refrain

Verse 1-2: Speak to me of the blessing of salvation and tell that God saves us for a purpose - to be His channel, a vessel He can use to pour His blessings out on others. Verse 3-5: Speak to me so eloquently of God's enabling power, how we cannot accomplish anything on our own, and that in serving Him by serving others we will find enough strength for ourselves as His power flows through us. It speaks of consecration and surrender. Refrain: Speaks to me of unselfishness and humility. We are nothing special, just a vessel He uses to pour out His blessings on others, but look at what does flow through us! His wondrous power!

A Forgotten Miracle

I was doing laundry today and while I was taking my clothes out of the dryer, it got me thinking...

You know how back when the Israelites where wandering around the wilderness for 40 years? Well, there were many amazing miracles that happened in their lives. They saw many, many miracles and wonders just in trying to escape Egypt. Then there was the parting of the Red Sea, the daily manna, water from the rocks, and the pillar of cloud by day and fire by night.

Today the miracle that came to mind today is a little less exciting, a little less well-know. Maybe even a little "boring." It was about how their clothes and shoes did not wear out during the whole 40 years that they wandered the wilderness. It's one of those miracles that you can easily overlook. It's only mentioned in about three verses (as best as I could tell).

Deuteronomy 29:5  And I have led you forty years in the wilderness: your clothes are not waxen old upon you, and thy shoe is not waxen old upon thy foot.

Deuteronomy 8:4  Thy raiment waxed not old upon thee, neither did thy foot swell, these forty years.

 Nehemiah 9:21  Yea, forty years didst thou sustain them in the wilderness, so that they lacked nothing; their clothes waxed not old, and their feet swelled not.

Even as you read these verses, it doesn't seem like a big deal. Clothes didn't wear out; shoes didn't wear out. Yawn. OK, moving on.

But wait! Think about it! The clothes they wore every day did not wear out for 40 years! The shoes they wore, often while traveling on foot for days at a time, didn't wear out for 40 years! They gained weight, lost weight, kids grew into adults, and yet their clothes still fit and hadn't worn out. Their shoes didn't become "holey." The soles didn't wear out.

Now, I don't know about you. Maybe I am just super rough on shoes, but I feel like I have done well if a pair of boots is useable a second winter. Or if a pair of sandals make it through daily use for another summer. And clothes... From year to year, how many things wear out? You wash something and it shrinks. Over time the colors fade, the material wears thin, the edges fray, the zippers break, you catch on stuff and tear holes, you spill stuff and have stains, and I am sure the list could go on.

My point is that time naturally has a negative affect on the lifespan of our clothing. It does not last more than a couple years even in our day and age. And let's not forget the lifestyle differences either. These people were living in tents in a desert. They were nomadic and traveled a lot! In comparison our lives are very much indoors and "soft." Also, they most likely wore the same clothes every day and I am not sure how they cleaned them. If anything, the clothes and shoes they wore should have worn out much faster than ours do today.

So in reality this was a pretty big miracle. After all this wasn't just for one or two people, but thousands and thousands of people. And it was for 40 years! Other than the daily manna, what other miracle lasted 40 years?

Perhaps if we kept this miracle in mind it wouldn't be so hard to believe one made by Jesus to us...

And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.  Mark 6:28-34

What's In a Name?

Nicknames – some people love them, some people hate them. I know that people, especially kids can be ruthless and may give a nickname in spite or to poke fun. I don’t really ever remember having that happen to me. My nickname experiences have all been pretty good. I think I have always loved them; at least as far back as I can remember I have. There’s something about a nickname that makes me feel so accepted, welcome, loved. They make me feel “all warm and fuzzy inside.”

You might be laughing but think about it. By calling you something other than your given name, your friend is kinda saying that they feel close enough to you to give you a name of their own. It’s like a verbal signal to everyone around you that you are friends, good friends. It shows you belong in their group.

I have many nicknames that I love because they came from people that were special to me. My roommates in my last year of college called me “Annlee.” My sister calls me “Annalily.” Various teachers and co-workers have called me “Annabelle” or “Annabanana.” My friends in OKC call me “Aynne” (That one’s all about the pronunciation!). My little brother called me “Glasses” when he was a baby. To my Grandma I am “Sunshine.” And I remember when I was about 5, my Grandmother and Granddad called me “the Texas Tornado.”

Another thing I like about a nickname is the story behind it, ‘cause there usually is one. For example my high school friends used to call me “Annabelle.” Then we all watched “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” and the little calf at the barn building’s name was also Annabelle. So then my nickname evolved into “Annabelle-moo-moo.” It still makes me giggle when I think about it!

Then there are some nicknames that only really one person can get away with. For my sister that was “Jenny;” only Dad got to call her that. For me it’s “Annie.” I hate, hate, HATE being called “Annie” because it’s a mispronunciation of my name. (It’s actually a pet-peeve of mine to introduce myself to someone as “Anne.” Then they read my name and say, “Oh it’s really Annie.” It makes me want to shout, “It’s called phonics, People! The ‘e’ is silent!”) But my friend Andrea calls me that and when she does (and only her!) it makes me feel special.

So what are all of your nicknames? The good? The awful? The special? I'd love to hear some of yours too...

A Little Peace and Quiet

Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to go somewhere and be by yourself? Normally I am a very social person whose day is just not complete if I am not hanging out with somebody. Being alone is tough for me; I don't enjoy it. Yet even still, there are days when I just feel the need to get away.


I was "interviewed" for my SS class' newsletter recently and one of the questions asked what would I choose to do with my day if I were granted a day off from work and could do whatever I wanted. Right now the answer to that question would be this - go camping somewhere beautiful like Turner Falls. (I know it's in Oklahoma, but I guess even Oklahoma has a couple pretty spots...) I would start out the day all by myself. I would take my Bible, my journal, a pen, and fun book (and probably a water bottle) and then go take a hike. I would find a nice spot and sit and read and pray. Just relax and take all the time I wanted, in no rush. Then in the afternoon or evening I would want to be joined by a big group of friends and we could play games, roast marshmellows over the fire (What's a camping trip without a really good fire?), talk, joke, and laugh.


While there are unfortunately no camping trips on the horizon, I am going on my first real vacation in a couple of weeks and I can hardly wait! My family is going to Arkansas together and though I am looking forward to spending time with them, talking, playing card games, chasing my 5 year old little brother around, etc. I am also really looking forward to having some quiet time.


Why am I so eager for some peace and quiet? Well, the last 6 months have been a bit of a whirlwind. I started hanging out with the "Super Six" around then. Never have I felt so accepted and loved by people outside of my family. For the first time in my life I had friends with whom I could completely and totally be myself. I loved it! We did everything together! But life is all about change and nothing stays the same for very long. Summer came. One of my best friends moved away. Another was gone all summer long. New people joined our crowd. People started coupling off. In essence, life happened and things changed. And obviously not all of the changes were bad things at all and, in fact, most were great; they were just simply different.


About that same time things got crazy in several other areas of my life as well. My roommate and I had to decide what to do about renewing the lease in our apartment. We went through several different plans before that was all settled. Things were very much up in the air for a couple months just trying to figure out where I was going to live and who I was going to live with. Now I can't wait for August to get here because my sister is going to be my new roommate!


My job also went through some major changes. On my birthday we were told that we were having a meeting with the CEO the next morning. There had been a few warning signs and we were all afraid it meant that our branch was closing. It was. Thankfully none of us lost our jobs, but we did have immediate changes. For the next two months I did not go longer than 2 weeks working with the same person in my branch. Plans were tossed around, set, changed, changed again... There were points when I felt like all I knew for sure was where I was supposed to show up the following morning. In the end though it has been a great experience. Soon I will be in a new department with lots to learn and a great chance to grow. It couldn't be better!


So combine all this craziness with the fact that I graduated in 2009 and moved cross-country twice in a 13 month span of time, worked through the "vacations" for both jobs in 2010, and have typically worked two jobs at around 50-55 hours a week, and you can surely see why I am looking forward to vacation and some downtime!

I think I am ready for a chance to experience Psalm 46:10 a little bit.

"Be still and know that I am God."

Hurry Up! And wait...

Something that God has been working on in my life for the past several years is patience and waiting on Him. Anyone who knows me probably knows that I am not all about patience. I tend to be pretty task oriented and once I know what I am supposed to do I just go "get 'er done." Right then. Immediately. The sooner the better.

But when it comes to life in general and specifically the plans God has for my life, well, it just doesn't work that way. I think that is something that God has gradually been trying to show me since I graduated high school and set out to fulfill "My Plan."

1. Go to Bible college
2. Meet the love of my life
3. Graduate
4. Get married immediately after graduation
5. Go serve God on a foreign mission field, preferably South Africa in an orphanage
6. Have about a dozen kids of my own

My first clue that perhaps my plan wasn't the same as God's came when I couldn't finish my second semester of college for health reasons - set back number 1. Then I transferred to another school - set back number 2. Then due to the same health reasons I couldn't take all the required classes I needed to take for a couple of years. I ended up taking a total of 6 years to complete my four year degree, but I finished! I could finally check that off the list.

But what happened to step 2? Meet the love of my life? "Umm... God did you forget something? I mean, I even 'gave' you two extra years? I think something got skipped here and it kinda messed up any plans on fulfilling steps 4 and 6." Wasn't I generous? Allowing God extra time to do as I wanted...

Well, since God had already shown me during one of my two junior years that the mission field was my idea not His, my plan was officially laying in ruins at His feet. Which is probably where He had been gently trying to get it the whole time. All I could do was take the pen writing the story of my life and hand it over to Him. And that's where the waiting really began.

I am 26 years old and have no boyfriend, no husband, no kids. I work for a wonderful bank rather than a full-time ministry. I work with 4 year old girls, in nursery, on a bus, and in Junior church rather than with orphans. God's story for my life is turning out very different than I planned for it to be written. There are days I want to grab that pen and write my own story. And there are many, many times when the desire to have my own way rises up and threatens to choke the joy out of my life.

That's when I have to start all over. Here is my new list. Or maybe it's more of a thought process...

1. God's plan for me is the best plan; it will bring me the most joy (not necessarily happiness).
2. I want to have God's unexplainable joy in my life.
3. Therefore I want God's plan, however different from my own it may be, more than I want my plan.

Waiting is not easy. Impatience is deeply ingrained. Deep, heartfelt desires do not disappear or stay surrendered easily. There are times that I may have to repeat this thought process over and over and over to myself  within the same 5 minute span. But it is becoming easier. It's getting easier to say "Not my will but Thine Lord" combined with "though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." ('Cause I know that God's plans for me will not be void of pain and suffering.) I just have to keep surrendering that pen and have faith that God's plan for me will be written out nice and clear in due time. After all, His timing is always perfect. 

"Blessed Father, we humbly beseech Thee, let none that wait on Thee be ashamed; no, not one. Some are weary, and the time of wait appears long. And some are feeble, and scarcely know how to wait... Father, teach us how to wait...let none that wait on Thee be ashamed!"  (Taken from Andrew Murray's devotional Waiting on God. I saw this quote on a friend's Facebook status and I think it kinda sums up my own prayers on to God about waiting.)

Welcome to my world...

Hello!

You are about to start exploring a strange new land - my world. I'll be your guide as we begin this adventure. Who knows what lies ahead? As with all explorers you run the risk of heading into scary territory, but there could be hidden treasures too... Knowing me there will be plenty of funny stories, many deep thoughts, and an abundance of random absurdity. Since life includes such variety in the beautiful and the plain, laughter and tears, happy times and hard times, there will probably be some mountain tops as well as deep valleys to explore. I guess you'll just have to decide for yourself if you want to come on this adventure with me, but I think it will be fun! Come on, take my hand and let's go explore... 

My World